But first...
Yeah, this is the season premiere episode for the current (and possibly last) season of Sister Wives. But, damn...
It's the season premiere, and not one of the show's protagonists could make a short appearance on Twitter during the show?
Early Mother's Day Morning, Janelle tweeted this to her fans...
But then 12 hours later, we get this terse response from Janelle:
I just don't get it. These people seem to make "lost opportunities" into an art form. They have a "popular" reality show, but can't be bothered to live tweet with their fans. Robyn has an online store, but can't be bothered to reach out to viewers and her Twitter fanbase (the fans she hasn't blocked that is) to promote sales.
Come to think of it, when WAS the last time Robyn mentioned her online store?
And let's not forget their recent court case, in which it fell onto the shoulders of Utah polygamists to be the public face for the Brown's cause, while the Browns were doing more important "work" in Sin City, aka Las Vegas and couldn't be bothered to show their faces in a courtroom, let alone Utah without a camera present.
Just like most of the endeavors attempted by Kody and his Kodettes, the effort fell short. Way short. Not even in nice try territory.
Last season, we watched in horror as Kody told Christine she had to honor the family he created if she expected any attention or affection from him.
Harsh words...just as bad as the chile nachos incident.
But poor Meri had to deal with a double whammy of pain inflicted on her in the name of family. Her "lover" Kody was now entranced by his new legal wife. Meri was hurting, and alone, and became a prime target for an online predator, who to this day, continues to torment her publicly.
So because of the obvious trouble in paradise vibes, viewers expected the Browns to participate with their audience and live tweet.
You know, show some solidarity. Some of that Love is to be Multiplied Not Divided Shinola Kody likes to spread around.
Well, the audience was to be disappointed. The Browns were no shows at their own party.
And that's pretty bad for a Sister Wive's premiere.
For me, the defining moments of this episode was summarized in two pictures shown during Kody's monologue at the beginning of the Sister Wives premiere.
We saw Kody hugging his current legal and very pregnant wife, in front of that iconic portrait of Robyn, Kody, and his Lexis convertible that tends to travels to different walls in Robyn's bedroom. Robyn is draped around Kody, looking like she's trying to suck the ever living life out of him. Kody's, however, looks distracted, like he'd rather be someplace else.
And then there's Meri hugging Kody. for what looks like dear life. Her hug wasn't suffocating; it was sad and poignant, like she was trying to relive a moment from their past. Kody still looks distracted, like he's watching son Garrison taking the LivMobile for an afternoon of joyriding, and he wasn't invited to join.
And this guy sired 15 kids with 4 wives.
The episode should have been titled "A Tale of Two Hugs with a Lughead Sperm Donor"
Let's skip the 30 minutes or so recapping Maddie's engagement announcement and her getting the hell out of the cul-de-sac as fast as her U-Haul trailer allowed her to go. The only amazing moments from this segment was Maddie's shocking top that showed off her bra straps as well as a henna tattoo on her upper back.
Oh, and Kody's obvious budding bromance with Maddie's fiance, Caleb.
Here's Maddie's tiny rental in Montana...or was it Wyoming? Oh well...
We then had the drama of King Sol sharing a room with his yet to be born sister, The Princess Ariella. Believe it or not, the current (she's long past the newness) Mrs. Kody Brown makes sense. If you watched the snippets for each wife's McMansion on the TLC website, you'd know that the master suite is on the ground floor. There is a smaller room next to the master suite. Meri made this room into a mancave TV room for Kody. Janelle and Robyn have apparently made it into a room for their younger children. And now Robyn would like to have The Princess share with King Sol on the ground floor, thus sparing Kody's favorite wife from having to run up and down that flight of stairs.
We were then treated to what seemed like an eternity of Robyn making plans for putting The Princess (sounds so much better than the "baby sister" the Browns keep using) and King Sol in the same room. Suffice it to say The Princess will break Kody Brown tradition: She will not have her own "crib". I shudder to think of how Robyn and Kody will procreate their next spawn while The Princess is in bed with them.
But you gotta love Garrison's droll take on the whole...um....situation. Says Garrison, "This is something that will be a problem in five years from now, and that'll be Robyn's and Dad's problem. Not ours."
Yeah, you tell 'em, Garrison!
But we weren't finished with the Kody and Robyn show yet.
I need someone to explain this to me. Why oh Why do we need to see yet another glimpse of Robyn's pregnant belly? For a woman who enjoys spouting how modesty is important, blah, blah, blah, why does Robyn insist on showing off her naked pregnant belly?
Was it really necessary to have King Sol tag along with Robyn and Kody to her midwife appointment? And good gracious Kody, must you slowly turn that knife you stuck in Meri's back by repeatedly calling Robyn "Mrs Brown" during the exam? Awkward!!!
Finally, FINALLY, we get to the Catfish Fallout.
Yep Meri, you sure did let "it" into the family.
And one thing for sure, some people are naturally beautiful and don't need to wear makeup. Robyn, you are not one of those people. Wear makeup. Please. Thank you!.
Now we all know Robyn, with her cohort in crime, JYD knew way before that Parent's Day trip to Colorado that Meri was carrying on with someone on Twitter. And it's unbelievable having to listen her ask over and over in the family counseling session with the therapist to plyg stars "What have I done? What did we do? How did this happen? How in the heck did this happen? How were you in the place that you were at emotionally? How did we not see it? How did we not see it a mile away? The burning bush over here?"
Why the hell do you care? And frankly, Robyn, Meri was still hurting while you took Kody on that vacay to Hawaii. I suppose it would be difficult to see that burning bush while you were busy working on Kody's baby #15, no doubt taking up as much of Kody's time as humanly possible.
Robyn took away Meri's legal status, and Kody will never give it back to Meri. Robyn, if you need to see who the real culprits are, take your hubby by the hand and walk over to a mirror and look at yourselves for the answer.
And Kody, if you really care about Meri, and you truly believe in your religion, show us heathen monogamists that your marriage license with Robyn doesn't mean a thing. Tear it up, get a quickie divorce, heck you can use Meri's lawyer, and remarry Meri.
But we know that won't happen.
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| That sign should be changed to read "Somewhere along the line this family has gone terribly wrong..." |
And that's what's wrong with Sister Wives. This show has now embodied every thing anti-polygamists have warned the world about polygamy. How it strips women of their dignity. How sisterwives will one up each other to get to the top of the wive's pecking order and become the alpha wife. The number one wife. The FAVORITE WIFE.
The wife that caters to the man's every need, who puts him first, will be rewarded with attention, and favor, and in the case of the Browns, legal stature, while the other wives are lucky to get an occasionally moment of attention, who must rationalize their loneliness and jealousy as trials to be overcomed.
Sister Wives needs to wake up, and change it's direction by making it less of the Kody and Robyn Show and more about SISTER WIVES, particularly the Original Three....is that so difficult to do? Is that so hard to understand?
Is it too late for this show to be saved?
