Sister Wives Review S08Ep01 Growing Up & Moving Out 1/4/15

This happens every season.

I wait patiently for the first episode of the new season, and invariably,  Sister Wives has always disappointed me.

At the end of the last season (that would be the Summer season since this current season is being called Winter), we saw an overly excited Kody yelling that Robyn had an announcement.

Next thing we know, Robyn is running into her house to answer a mysterious phone call.

Many viewers called foul on that bit of stupidity.

Then we watched the so-called "Tell All" episode. The final segment was supposed to be Kody and his most lovely trophy wife and budding business entrepreneur Robyn (/sarcasm off) discussing why in heavens name has Robyn not pushed out another of Kody's spirit babies from her fertile nether regions.

But that segment went kaput courtesy of wife #3 Christine who during a break in the action took time out for a sisterly talk with Robyn behind the scenes. A kibosh was placed on the baby talk and the Tell All ended with Robyn looking like she was smelling what Christine was cooking, and it din't smell good, y'all.

So yes, we the audience waited patiently for this premiere. We wanted to know if the cow...the brood mare....I mean the babymaker was doing her job: i.e. incubating a little Kody or Kodette in that royal oven of hers.

And we found out that...just like the death of Bobby Ewing on Dallas, it was all a dream - kind of. What a letdown. I mean, Robyn couldn't even say her lines with sincerity. "I would like to have a baby, [but] I can't" she said in her talking head. "I am working insane, insane hours for My Sister Wife's Closet." she said. Now I KNOW she's lying.

Earth to Robyn and Kody....this type of tomfoolery didn't work on Dallas, and it certainly didn't work on Sister Wives.

Kody and Robyn , you need to hang your heads in shame. And Robyn, please block me from your Twitter. The name is Jinx. Cynical Jinx. Thank you.

The remaining 95 minutes were EXCRUCIATING!

From the lame recap, to the excessive party throwing and Kody dancing, a trip to the marriage counselor for Janelle, and Robyn and Kody's lame attempts to run a business, I almost, ALMOST called it quits.

This two hour show was to viewers what Green Kryptonite was to Superman. Deadly. Death by boredom via  Kody Brown overdose. Watch Kody dance. Watch the Kodettes dance. Watch Janelle refuse to dance.

Will somebody tell TLC that the show is called Sister Wives and NOT the Kody Brown Variety Hour?

Let's take a break, shall we?

One thing I notice was Robyn's makeup - specifically, her eyelashes. Now call me silly (Robyn you can call me Ms Jinx) but did their makeup "artist" come from Disneyland?

For me, Robyn definitely had a Minnie Mouse thing going on with her eyelashes. Or, as mentioned by Amused in my living room, Daisy Duck. Which is just Minnie Mouse with eyeshadow and a bill.

In either case, girlfriend looked like she was auditioning for a Disney side show with those lashes.

If only she had Mykelti's headband on her head, her ensemble would have been...complete!





Yeppers, the Browns do love their Disneyland, don't they?

Back to the show.

Now, I don't mind a good variety show. Heck, I thought the Carol Burnett Show was one of the best variety shows of the 1970s. For Mykelti's graduation party, Kody and his Kodettes decided to dance and lip sync to a popular song about guys telling no lies and keeping their hands to themselves.

  

Of course Kody Brown thinks he's the consummate entertainer. The problem is, the man does not have one iota of talent.

Which is a pity for the audience, because I have come to the conclusion the only reason Sister Wives showcases party after party each season is because it gives Kody a reason to act a fool and dance.

If only Kody had been born with a little bit of talent and a whole lot of soul, he could have been another Ike Turner.

Lord knows he's got his Ikettes dancing behind him, just like Ike did...

But I'm not quite sure which Ikette would be Tina because Janelle does not dance.




Not only did Kody fancy himself a dancer/lip sync artist, he also added film maker to his resume.

That's right. Kody was the cameraman who filmed the skit shown at Maddie's graduation party which featured Kody and wives acting out two versions of Maddie's life: one version had her being rebellious with black hair (played by mom Janelle), a bad disposition and eventual dead end marriage to some dude (played by  Kody of course) with a motorcycle. The other version showed Maddie (played this time by of all people Robyn) getting involved with student government at her high school eventually becoming class president and having lofty goals of graduating law school and becoming a supreme court justice.

Although Maddie was polite and laughed when appropriate during the film, I got the feeling she would have been happier with the lip sync act  like at  Mykelti's party.

On the subject of Mykelti, she was shown being interviewed for an intern position with designer David Tupaz. Of course Kody was bored which made me think why did he go with Mykelti and Christine. Then it hit me. Kody was there for the cameras. Makes sense...

Sadly, I think Tupaz granting Mykelti an interview was not based on her portfolio, but on the TV cameras that were present. When he was going through her portfolio, the look on his face said it all. But he was charming and gave her a lot of advice including that she should think in terms of designing something people will want to buy.




Hopefully CEO of MSWC Kody Brown took some notes. Earth to Kody: If people don't want to buy your crappy jewelry, you won't make money. Interesting concept.

On the topic of MSWC, Kody and Krew met up with Mariah, a local businesswoman who tried to offer them tips on how to make money. Of course Robyn didn't want any part of it. But Janelle spoke the truth when she told them conducting business the way Robyn and Kody want it run isn't working. As David Tupaz put it, Robyn has to design jewelry that people will want to buy. And let's face it, Robyn isn't that talented a designer.

The fact Robyn doesn't understand that concept doesn't bode well for the future success of MSWC. And having dimwitted Kody as CEO is the kiss of death.


Finally, the premiere ended with Dayton having plastic surgery to correct injuries to his eyelid as a result of his ATV accident two years ago. And Maddie left for her Utah State apartment a week after graduation.

At last, Maddie, Kody and Janelle arrived at Maddie's Logan UT apartment. After suffering through Kody bloviating about the sanctity of a woman's body and that no means NO, Maddie only had two words left for her parental units.

Words she's been waiting three years to say. Simply,  "Please leave..."

And that was the end of episode one.