Season Finale: Sister's Special Delivery PART TWO

Now that we are at the halfway mark of this episode, this would be a good time to review  the different Kody Brown Family Units (KB-FU) and what the teenagers have to say about Robyn's new bundle...of joy.

First up, we have the House of Meri and Mariah. Remember how upset Mariah was in the first episode, when Kody announced Robyn's pregnancy? How she ran crying into the bathroom ? Well, nine months later she is firmly on board the 'I am so excited, I'm quivering!' Solomon love fest.  This is no doubt the result of Meri finally finding the sister wife she always wanted in Mommy Dearest Robyn. Mariah makes Solomon a quilt - Meri gives Solomon "space" in her spare room closet. Oh yes, she did put in some baby clothes, but you have to wonder where's she gonna put his clothes when he gets older and bigger. Looks like Meri's planning on turning the girls room into a Sol shrine.

Christine showing off her "peace offering" for Robyn

The House of Christine (If you want a successful family, you DON'T have favorites) is a bit more complex. Her teenagers are mostly quiet, reacting  with body language and facial expressions. From Christine's "apology" earlier to Robyn, we know that she is looking forward to Solomon's birth. She feels Solomon loves her: When she puts her hand on Robyn's stomach, little Sol moves! Her own children are not, how do I put this nicely, so child-like.  Just look at Aspyn, Kody's eldest daughter. She acts like she's above all this nonsense. And Mykelti always looks  defiant. If I had to use one word to describe the two, it would be 'stoic'.

Hunter and Mariah having a difference in opinion

Now we come to the House of Janelle. We know Janelle is excited about the impending birth,  just not THAT excited. Janelle's too rational, and values her sleep too much to have it disturbed by the birth of Robyn's Sol.  Her teens, not surprisingly, run the full spectrum of emotion when it comes to this new baby. At one end is Kody's eldest son Logan, who tries to toe the Kody company line by rationalizing Robyn's motives for getting pregnant. She hasn't had a Brown baby yet, therefore it's okay, spouts Logan the Johnny Appleseed. Then there's Madison, who is clearly not too keen on a 17th child joining the family, but appears to be willing to babysit him - maybe. Hunter is almost off the scale on the opposite end from Logan. He wants nothing to do with the new baby and  feels there are already more children than the adults can handle. While Mariah exudes enthusiasm and love for her unborn half-brother, Hunter is perhaps more realistic of the situation surrounding his family by saying "I can't love someone I don't know." OUCH!!

You have to wonder, does Kody really understand what's going on in his families? Seems that his saying about love being multiplied and not divided isn't working out too good.

Before we enjoy Kody "coaching" Robyn giving birth to [poor old] Solomon [Grundy],  let's take a breather and  look at some o  f the stuff  Robyn has in her bedroom!

               Robyn needs to have her Bling!

Hey! I've got the same lamp!

Robyn and Kody enjoying a salacious moment
next to his $60K "fifth wife"

Meri and Kody enjoying a salacious moment outside of Robyn's

bedroom. She was in labor at the time and Kody needed some

love energy exchange.

 Just like when Christine was in labor with Truely, Kody finds the need to kiss ANYONE as long as it's not the wife in labor. Now with Robyn in labor, Kody has chosen Meri to make out with in Robyn's house, on her staircase landing, outside her bedroom door.

Kody rationalizes his juvenile actions by claiming  he was exchanging love energy with Meri. Thank goodness they were only swapping spit and not some other bodily fluid.Couldn't he just pat Meri on the head like he usually does with his wives?

And when the midwife arrived, why did Kody have to walk BACKWARDS into Robyn's bedroom? I mean, it's not like that midwife was the Queen of England - I don't think she would have had him imprisoned in the Tower of London for turning his back to her and walking into the bedroom like a normal person would. Oh wait, we ARE talking about Kody who has to be the center of attention at all times. Just thank goodness there were no small children or animals in the way.

Okay, enough with the fluff - let's get down to the stuff. And Kody can get down, let me tell you. So I now present to you...Kody Brown Coaching Robyn...The UnRated version.

Kody: Relax right here...You're doing good, sweetheart 
Robyn: [moaning]
Kody: Here...focus...focus...That's it...

Kody smiling at the camera when learning he just won the Carly Simon

"You're So Vain" award.

Robyn: Oh honey, don't move
Kody: You talking to me ...or him

Robyn: Him

Robyn: [grunting]
            [whimpers]

Kody: Hang in there...

Kody: That's right, good job.

Kody: Keep it up, you're doing great
Robyn: [grunting]

Kody: Oh, good

Robyn: [grunting]
Kody: Yep, doing good
Kody: It's been my job a few times
Kody: I'm right here

Robyn: [groaning]

Kody:You're doing great, you're doing great
Kody: That's right
Kody: You're doing so good
Kody: Oh here we go!
Kody: [Laughs]
Kody: I can see my little boy
Kody:There he is
Kody: I'm touching him now
Kody: Here he comes
Kody: There he is!

                                        Kody: Oh my goodness, he looks like my little boys

                                        Kody:[Laughs]

Kody: (to Robyn) I was impressed. You can have my kids anytime.

Awwww Kody, I bet you say that to all your wives! But Kody, ALL your babies look like you. You must have DNA of Steel! <shudder>

Oh my goodness, all the KB-FUs are present. Even Janelle showed up! All is right in the world, right? Let's all hold hands and sing Kumbaya, OK? Well, not so fast. You see, Mommy Dearest Robyn feels she's been slighted by a bonus child, and she will NOT let it go.

Sitting on her Queenly Throne, Mommy Dearest speaks of the "hurt" this bonus child has inflicted on her.

"When Hunter came in after Solomon was born," she begins, "...he's a little hesitant with me...and I've been hurt by it...with his whole place of where he's not sure if I'm his mom, or his dad's wife, wherever he's at with this whole thing, it's like he can't deny it when you've got a baby in your arms that's your dad's wife's baby."

Nicely put, Robyn. So eloquent and mature. You do realize that you're at least 18 years older than the teenager in question, I hope.

Please, allow me to translate your "thoughts" into a more, coherent form. Remember when Robyn said in the season premiere that "A baby is a physical manifestation that there is an intimate relationship between a husband and wife..." ? We thought she only was referring to those sister wives who were reluctant to accept her. Well, Robyn also applies this "logic" to her bonus children when she thinks they are refusing to see her relationship with Kody as anything but legitimate.

Isn't it sad how Robyn lacks the sensitivity she so demands from others? Isn't it sad she can't allow a teenager whose life was turned upside down, the opportunity to warm up slowly to a new family member  and would prefer to put HER feelings before those of a teenager so clearly in pain?

And then she tells Meri - while Meri is holding a just born Solomon, that she wants to be Meri's surrogate. To carry a piece of Meri and Kody in her golden womb. Holy cow, why didn't she make this offer 10 months ago when it would appear to be an altruistic gesture of love and family. Waiting until after giving birth to Meri's legal husband's child to make the offer just seems so egoistic and manipulative.

Maybe I'm being too harsh, but this woman, in my opinion, is a french fry short of a happy meal! 

So ends Season 3 of Sister Wives. But I've got some predictions for Season 4!

1. Meri will say "Thanks, but no thanks" to Robyn's surrogate offer.

2. Season 4 will highlight the building of the KB-FU gated compound on the cul-de-sac.

3. One business venture will falter.

4. Kody will start courting wife #5.

5. Meri will apologize to Janelle and Christine for her less than sisterly wife comments she made about them.

I can't wait for it to begin in the Spring 2012!

Your Thoughts??