Cynical Jinx' Review: Sister Wives - A Tale of Two Episodes S06Ep02: Four Lives of Kody's Wives and S06Ep03: Big Boy Panties

Something is wrong in Kodyland.

 

Janelle's feeling the need to make money to support her family while dealing with the rising testosterone levels in her house and her struggle to lose weight. Robyn's trying to make My Sister Wife's Closet a viable company, without a clue how to go about it. Christine wants to work but really doesn't want to work. And Meri and Kody just sit back doing what they do best, nothing.

 

 

Yep, it's just another two episodes in the lives of Kody Brown and his Kodypendents.

 

Old Uncle Art is gonna be busy now!

 

S06Ep02: Four Lives of Kody's Wives

 

Robyn is clueless on how to run a business. The St George Expo was a bust according to Janelle, who has had enough of MSWC because it just isn't generating enough income. Or as she puts it, not enough profit to pay her light bill, let alone her mortgage.

 

Ouch!!

 

Now mind you, Robyn is begging for her husband and her sisterwives to "support" her, which translates to Janelle and Christine doing the grunt sales work while Robyn and Meri can sit back on their ample laurels "managing",  popping bonbons in their mouths.

Fair enough, I say.

 

But what I found troubling in this whole fiasco, besides Robyn's lack of business acumen, was Kody's explanation of why he doesn't want to be involved in MSWC. You see, when he sells jewelry to women, because he's on TV the women instantly become enamored of him and want to be his 5th wife. Or, as Kody explained, "...if I'm making a connection with a woman...or flirting with her, or I'm trying to give attention to what I'm trying to sell a piece of jewelry...they might think that I'm hunting on a 5th wife... which is the farthest thing from the truth!...It's something I'm apprehensive about..."

 

Whoa there, Kody. You're supposedly  a salesman (at least that was what you said in season 1). Good salesman should be able to sell anything to anybody...so if women are misconstruing your sales pitch, maybe you need to tone it down a notch. Like a real salesman would.

 

Anyway, Janelle and Christine aren't buying what Robyn's trying to sell, and that is leaving her very very upset. Of course, if Robyn had a clue about business and a good work ethic, she wouldn't need to include her sisterwives in her little MSWC venture. She could  take the profits and run, just like fictional Margene did in Big Love so many years ago.

 

But Robyn obviously doesn't have the same caliber of storywriters like Big Love, so the audience is stuck with this damn storyline for the rest of the season. Will Robyn be content to just have Meri to boss around?  Will Janelle and Christine rot in sisterwives hell for not supporting a fellow sisterwife? Stay tuned.

This storyline gets an Uncle Art, for being damn silly.

 

 

While Meri and Robyn are focused on MSWC, Janelle and Christine prepare for a meeting with Mona, the real estate lady at Janelle's house. While Kody lounged in his easy chair, upstairs Garrison and Gabriel go at  each other again, almost like the last time when Gabriel bloodied his older brother Garrison's nose.

 

I'm not going to go into detail, but the most significant thing I noticed was just how ineffective as parents Kody and Janelle were. Kody doesn't want to get involved because he doesn't want to be seen as the bad guy. Janelle blames everything on the testosterone levels of teen boys. She feels the separation of houses makes her to be like a single parent. Which in reality is exactly what she is.

 

 

Janelle gets an Uncle Art for using the raging male hormone excuse once again and not demanding that Kody spend more time being a male role model than being a "celebrity" polygamist. Kody gets 3 Uncle Arts for being Kody.

 

 

Next we have Christine and Janelle meeting with Mona the Real Estate Lady. Unfortunately, Christine is not cut out to be a serious employee out of the home. My opinion is she has been tainted by Kody's total lack of work ethic. She didn't prepare for the meeting, and she absolutely blanched when Mona admits she hasn't had a day off for six weeks. When Mona tells Christine there may be a delay in all four wives moving into their houses, Christine has a melt down.

 

Later at home, while talking to Kody (who was lying on his back on her bed with his stinky foot precariously close to her face) she tells him she can't be away from her kids nights and weekends. Of course Kody agrees with her, she needs to stay at home to be with her children. Heaven forbid SHE should expect HIM to help her out with  the fruits of his loins. Which makes me wonder, wasn't that a bonus of having sisterwives to help take care of your children?

 

 

If moving to Las Vegas, as Kody claims, caused his family dynamics to change, he failed to see HE was the one who demanded the move in the first place. And Kody as a polygamist  should realized he would be travelling from house to house. Then he dismissed Christine by accusing her of creating drama that doesn't exist. What a jerk! Sorry, no sympathy from me. It just makes me wonder, who the hell is writing this crap?

I don't think Uncle Art's picture can get any bigger...

 

Kody gets another Uncle Art, while Christine gets 3 Uncle Arts for ignoring her dire financial situation by refusing to acknowledge the fact her children are no longer babies (except for Truely) and that Janelle offered to jobshare with her on the real estate gig.

 

Oh yeah, and for not demanding Kody be an adult and take care of his offspring like a normal father would. And 2 Uncle Arts to the producers who should have left this crap on the cutting room floor.

 

 

 

A day later (or maybe the same day, it's hard to tell), Janelle met with Robyn to talk to her about MSWC. She's had an epiphany: Kody should not be involved because MSWC should be a woman powered business; Christine should be involved only in the "fun" things and Janelle, hold onto your hats, flip-flopped her position to one that she could use MSWC to market a plus-size line of exercise clothes. She tells Robyn she does want to be a part of MSWC after all. I've invited Uncle Art to go to Las Vegas in order to throw his stinky old boot at Janelle's head because this is not the end and she WILL flip flop AGAIN on her role in MSWC.

 

Of course, now that Robyn was all happy happy joy joy over Janelle coming over to MSWC's darkside, it was time for footage of her date with Kody.

 

I don't know, but it's getting rather tiresome hearing Kody trying to impress yet another monogamist about his being a polygamist. I'd respect Kody more if he just came out and said, "Yo, I'm a polygamist with four wives." But no, it always has to be something like, "I came from Utah to Las Vegas with my WIVES and 17 children. Yes, I have FOUR WIVES!...heh, heh, heh...what do you think about that, huh? I'm a STUD!" I was so hoping that Kody's rope would break, not high enough to kill him of course, but just high enough we could see his long hair flowing in the wind on the way down.

Josh the repelling guy gets one Hyrum for acting like he was interested in Kody's conversation about being a polygamist.

The last segment was all about Meri. While Janelle was on her way to the gym, Meri was running on the streets of Las Vegas with Mariah.  In her voiceover she explained how proud she was that Mariah wanted to be a plural wife. And that Mariah was just like her when it came to dealing with life's disappointments living with Kody.

 

Is it me or does Meri look like she gained every pound Janelle has lost?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 In the couch interview with the teen girls, even though the consensus was that everyone wanted to be in the homes by Christmas, realist Maddie was again the voice of reason. She said "Life happens..." Maddie gets 2 Hyrums, which will qualify Mariah getting dibs on being his 2nd wife.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

S06Ep03: Big Boy Panties

After her blowup with Robyn, and her realization that real estate was not her cup of fundamentalist Mormon tea, Christine decided to do the patented Janelle flip flop. She tells everyone at the next MSWC meeting that she wants to devote her time to MSWC now.

 

But when Christine's suggestion of putting the iconic MSWC logo on t-shirts was brutally shot down by Kody as frumpy, Christine got really upset. Not upset enough to leave Kody's sorry butt, of course, but  just enough to make you wonder what the heck IS going on between those two.

 

Should Dr Phil have an intervention with them? Or how about a stint with Dr Drew on his Couple's show?

 

Being that Kody has not proven himself to be successful at anything (except making babies), personally I would not listen to a word he says. In Kody's world, overpriced ugly jewelry is ICONIC. T-shirts are FRUMPY MARKETING. Kody doesn't want T-shirts making his ICONIC website FRUMPY. That those t-shirts might bring in more sales dollars than a year of selling that junk jewelry is not the point.

 

And that, my friends, is why Kody is a failure at business. He doesn't need big boy panties, he needs some brains in that big old noggin of his. But later on, we find out somebody will be making money off of MSWC. Too bad it's not the Browns.

Dr Drew gets a Hyrum for being the hunk Kody wishes he was.

 

 

 

Back at the cul-de-sac, the Kody Krew take yet another tour of the McMansions.

All does not go well. Janelle finds out that instead of carpeting leading down that long, long, hallway to her master suite, the workers laid tile instead. Janelle is not amused, and worries about the noise of footsteps. Lady, I would be more worried about your teens fighting each other. Priorities, Janelle! Tile is the LEAST of your problems. Meri  immediately put on her mean face. Crapola will hit the fan if there are

ANY mistakes made in her McMansion.  Once inside her soon to be home, Meri breathed a sigh of relief: All was OK, in fact her wet bar was beautiful. I tried to get a good picture, but Meri was moving so fast all I could get was a blur. Really Meri. You could have had a wet bar built without needing that 5th (or was it a 6th) bedroom. And would it have hurt to put backsplashes on the kitchen and wet bar walls? That house looks like a $450K barn, holy cow!

 

Mona the real estate lady gets a Hyrum for having to put up with the Browns crapola (even though she made a nice commission off of THAT sale, for sure).

 

Before seeing Meri, Kody and Mariah take a road trip to her college in Utah, we got a short look at Mykelti, Christine's 16 year old daughter. She is your typical teenage girl. The only problem is she has Christine and Kody as parents. My thoughts? I shuddered in horror when Christine went on and on about her daughter. I felt so sorry for the teen. So Mykelti, if you read this, I'm sending you lots and lots of positive thoughts. And if you want piercings, and tattoos, I say go for it. But just remember, tattoos are kind of permanent and piercings can get infected. That's all.

 

Okay, back to Meri, Kody and Mariah. Before going to Westminster College, Kody and his Too Legit to Kwit Krew stopped at the old homestead in Lehi. Seems Mariah had thought about living there while attending school in SLC. Which is kind of weird being that would be a LOT of driving. I could never allow my 18 year old to drive that kind of mileage on a freeway each day. I would worry myself sick! Luckily, Mariah decided against that arrangement. So of course, Meri and Kody decide that maybe it would be better to sell the house. WHAT??? Did Kody and Meri forgot about a certain 3rd party that originally was the sole name on the deed until recent years? Yes, I'm talking about Janelle. RENT that house, you silly fools! You need the income!

 
At the college, Kody immediately endears himself to the Director of Admissions by asking her if she was "...familiar with the words fundamentalist Mormons." Too bad she didn't come back with "Why of course! I'm not an idiot. Are you familiar with the word DIVERSITY?" But I could see why - she'd not only have to spell it for Kody, she'd have to explain to him what it meant before he could answer. I'm sure that's why we only saw her say the word diversity in her talking head.

Darlene the Admissions Director gets a Hyrum for putting up with Kody and the film crew on her campus. Here's hoping enrollments go up for next semester.

 

 

Back in Vegas, Mariah decided she didn't want to go on a tour of the UNLV campus with Aspyn, even though her  "bro" Logan would be their official UNLV tour guide. I don't know, I would have jumped at the opportunity to go on that tour if it was my brother. I would have so much fun giving him a hard time while wearing my Westminster College hoodie. What a missed opportunity! So instead we get a boring rehash of the tour Logan went on when he graduated the year before, Logan saying how much he's enjoying himself, and how he's not committing one way or the other on going plural in the future. Sounds like Logan is having fun outside the family. I have a feeling he won't be using that bedroom much in mother Janelle's house.

The show's producers get two Uncle Arts for the lack of imagination on this segment.

 

 

Last but not least, Kody and his Krew try to sell their wares (MSWC and LIV) at the Christmas Crafts and Gifts expo in Las Vegas. How LIV could be considered a gift or craft I don't know, but if you look real close you'll see his booth was next door to MSWC.

Robyn then introduced MSWC new manufacturer to everyone and presented her with a "big" check. Like I said earlier, it was nice to see someone  making money from MSWC. Sadly, sales at the Vegas expo were worse than the St George venture. Maybe Robyn's new business pal will give her some much needed pointers. And at the next MSWC meeting, Janelle flip flops AGAIN and tells Robyn she was disengaging from MSWC,  focusing her efforts only on real estate. Seems that profit of about $500 just wasn't worth Janelle's effort if it won't pay her bills. But if it was any consolation, Christine didn't flip flop, and told Robyn she wanted start supporting MSWC 100%. What a wonderful sisterwife.

And with that, Robyn gets the last Uncle Art for being totally clueless about running a business.

 

 Hmmm....I wonder how this one will turn out? Tune in next time for the continuing saga!

Cynical Jinx' Review: Sister Wives S06Ep01: Picking Up the Pieces

Kody channeling the Geico Caveman...notice the balding!

I'm just going to say it. I've been spoiled by Polygamy, USA. I really miss that show. For one thing, most of what we see in this episode was filmed ALMOST A YEAR AGO. I mean, c'mon, even Honey Boo Boo and Polygamy,USA had faster production turn around times.

And it doesn't help matters that the Browns have documented their lives in between seasons on their Twitter accounts. Seriously, this episode was mostly a waste of time.



So I'm gonna start using a system to rate the story lines for this season of Sister Wives. If it is interesting or fun, I will give it a Hyrum.

If it is full of crap, I will give it an Uncle Art Raspie. I wanted to give it an Uncle Art Boot but he moved too fast and I couldn't capture the picture. Anyway, I kinda like his sexy blue lips.


Let's begin this journey, shall we?

First of all, this is to the producers, film editors, story writers...whoever was responsible for the first five minutes of the show. It was not necessary to rehash the previous seasons. I mean, you would have to be living under a very big rock not to know how and why the Browns relocated to Las Vegas. Especially since we all know Kody running away from Lehi like he stole something was all a gimmick for the show. Showing Meri packing up that moving van while fake police sirens blared in the background was extremely dumb. And what gives with those apparently over entitled Brown teens complaining about having to live in rental housing? They should be thankful it wasn't a homeless shelter.



Yep, I'm giving the ridiculous rehash the first  Raspie ever given. Enjoy!

Next up was the adult Browns doing an obligatory framing walk through of the McMansions. This walk through took place in October of 2012. I know this because it said "60 Days Before Christmas" across the bottom of my TV screen.

Now, I've never had a home built from scratch, but I've always imagined it would be something like that wonderful old film, "Mr Blandings Builds His Dream House". Unfortunately, Kody is no Cary Grant, but the scenes where his wives start noticing discrepancies in the floor plans reminded me of when Mrs Blandings (Myrna Loy) walked through her house and noticed some problems, just like Meri, Robyn and Christine did. Hey, you don't think...oh noes! You mean those krazy producers scripted out the whole "these builders are too incompetent to follow a blueprint" scene for DRAMA?

 

Well, if it ain't WHAM, it ain't HAM! (Or something like that.). I'm gonna give my own self a Hyrum for that one!

Meri looking like she's enjoyed a lot of WHAM last year

That kind of explained why  Danny, the VP of Pinnacle Homes (you know, the builders) was so nonchalant about misplaced doorways. If I were the VP, I would have been mortified that 1) the construction crew couldn't read the blueprints correctly and 2) IT WAS ALL BEING DOCUMENTED ON FILM! But he just smiled and said something like "Oh yeah, we'll take care of it. Thanks for noticing it." Holy cow, what does THAT say about their customer service?


And does anyone understand why Robyn was so concerned about the lack of sunlight coming into a bedroom? Hey Robyn, you live in the desert. When it's 120 degrees outside, you do NOT want a lot of sunlight pouring into a room because it will take a lot of refrigeration to cool it down. And that means an electric bill the size of Kody's ego.

And it is really dumb how Kody keeps piping up in the couch interview "We don't own those houses, yet." Yeah, yeah, yeah. I believe that as much as I believe Christine wants a library.

Oh yeah, this segment is definitely deserving of a Raspie.


Good grief.  The next segment was about Robyn taking her hobby online business to the What Women Want Expo in St George. It started out with the family business meeting from Hell (in which Christine showed Robyn exactly what kind of polygamist mettle she was made of) and ended with a defeated Robyn licking her wounds in St. George. So let's start with the family meeting.

Robyn has absolutely no business sense at all. Her jewelry is overpriced, and ugly. Even though Meri has a commitment elsewhere, Robyn wanted Meri to drive 4 hours to St George, stay for half an hour then turn around and drive back to Vegas. That just doesn't make any sense, and makes me wonder what other harebrained business decisions this woman has made.  At least it looked like she's made it to page 3 of her 200 page MSWC idea sketchbook. Wow, and it only took her a year to do it.

When Christine and Janelle made it clear to Robyn that her "hobby" business already cost them a lot of money, not only did Robyn act as if they had stabbed her in the back, she literally crumbled when Christine and Janelle announced they were going to pursue real estate in order to pay their bills.

Okay, okay, so Christine's and Janelle's real estate jobs are kind of like, well, only for appearances purposes, at least they were thinking rationally and truthfully about the situation. Like when Christine said " I never intended to do more than this" meaning she supported Robyn's business by attending MSWC meetings and not walking out of them in disgust. Whether Robyn wants to admit it or not, MSWC was solely her idea, and it wasn't fair to demand her sister wives give 100% in an endeavor they believed won't amount to a hill of beans.

And here is where the irony of reality rears it's ugly head. Remember Robyn's tweets last year about getting her manicures and hair done because she works so darn hard she deserved to take a break? And don't forget her bringing in sister Taralyce to watch her kids while she  'worked'. In my book, girlfriend needs to work a little bit harder. She needs an Uncle Art throwing his boot at her silly head because all she really wanted was someone to boss around and do work while she enjoyed getting her nails and hair done, acting like the businesswoman she isn't.

 

 

To quote Christine: I'm sorry, but Robyn you deserve this Raspie.

 

I think Christine and Janelle deserve to enjoy a shared Hyrum for standing up to Robyn. I think it's ok because they are polygamists, so they're  use to sharing a man, right?

 

 

By the time the Kody Krew (sans Meri who defied Robyn by not driving to St George until the next day) arrived in St George, Robyn was all aflutter. You see, she's from St George, and she knows just how mean those non-polygamist people can be. So, if you know St George doesn't like polygamists, why would you go there to sell your polygamist branded overpriced, ugly jewelry with a big old sign announcing the name of your "store" as My Sister Wife's Closet? Even the plygs of Centennial Park had the good sense to call their restaurant business located just outside of Colorado City the 'Merry Wives Cafe'. Maybe she should have called her business Robyn's Closet after all?

 

Robyn gets a Raspie for not knowing who her customers are, and poor branding.

And Kody is no better at being a business mastermind. When the expo opened and people were milling around their booth, Kody's main concern was for the crowd to show him their wallet. Needless to say, due to the utter lack of salesmanship of the Kody Krew (like, isn't that Kody's real 'job'?) - they needed to sell over 120 pieces of jewelry by Janelle's accounting to break even - by the end of the expo they only sold 19 pieces.

Now, if I remember correctly, the 2012 Christmas Ornament (for $19.95) was introduced at the expo and apparently sold out. Does it take a rocket scientist to realize maybe the jewelry is overpriced? Christine came to that conclusion by scoping out the other booths that were selling jewelry, but Robyn couldn't figure it out. And Kody, also without a clue, just wanted people (their FANS) to open up their wallets and give the Browns all their money for some expensive crap because he thinks it's "iconic". And when their fan base didn't come through, Kody placed the blame on those bible thumping anti-polygamists.

Really Kody, if polygamists are not liked in St George, perhaps you shouldn't rub St George citizen's faces in the fact you're a polygamist. Either stand proud or stand down, Kody. And Janelle, enough with the Stand by Your Man admiration of your 7th child.

Kody, Robyn and Janelle all share an Uncle Art Raspie. Christine and Meri lucked out this time.

Once it was all over, it was so painfully obvious Robyn had no clue what women wanted, and the lack of sales clearly demonstrated the women at the expo did not want to waste any money on the "iconic" crapfest known as MSWC. And I don't care how much Robyn sobs that the four families need MSWC in order to stay together. No, Robyn, the four families needs the 5 adults to get off their collective fat asses and GET REAL JOBS!

And what episode would be complete without the continuing saga of Meri and whether she has decided to take Robyn up on her offer to be a surrogate for her. Meri tells Robyn she doesn't know what she wants. Robyn tells Meri she doesn't want to pressure her because she wants Meri to be free to have a choice of having a baby. Meri tells Robyn she doesn't know what she wants. Robyn tells Meri she wants her to have a choice because Meri gave Robyn the choice to marry Kody. Meri feels guilty. Robyn cries. Poor Sol ages another year. And Meri still doesn't make a decision. What the HELL!!!

Yep, these two "ladies" share a Raspie for wasting viewers time having to watch this nonsense!

Thank goodness, the final minutes of the episode was focused on Sol's first birthday party. I'd give it a Hyrum, but I don't think releasing balloons into the air is an environmentally sound practice.

Sol's balloons inside Meri's house before being released outside

As the balloons celebrating Sol's birthday slowly lift off into the upper atmosphere, we are left to ponder - wouldn't that many balloons be a threat to aviation flying in the vicinity?

The Happy Birthday Boy, King Sol (the one with the pointed hat)

Sol's birthday balloons about to be set free

The Long and Short of It

I have a feeling this new season of Sister Wives is going to be a big fat overly wrought out hot mess of a season.

The story lines TLC wants the audience to believe are as follows.

The McMansions 

Will they or won't they move into those overpriced huge McMansions. Will Meri get that damn wet bar. I have a feeling this will be drawn out, although if you follow their twitter faithfully, SOMEONE moved into the homes - there have been too many "accidental" tweets (that mysteriously disappeared as quickly as they appeared) showing the film crew filming. Or of Brown relatives wrestling each other in a great room far larger than any room in the rentals.


Will Meri have another baby?

Here's another TLC/production company storyline created to entice viewers by tugging at those maternal heartstrings. Poor, barren Meri...but wait, she's got a fertile SISTER WIFE willing and able (at least almost 2 years ago when Sol was born) to be a surrogate! Robyn has stated as long as she's breastfeeding Sol, she will not be getting pregnant, which is fine, but come on already. I see this as just another manipulation - perhaps on Robyn's part, to delay the inevitable nope - ain't gonna happen  ending as long as possible.

Robyn and her My Sister Wife's Closet Hobby Business

This is such a ripoff of Big Love's sister wife Margene's jewelry business. Something tells me someone will be making money off of My Sister Wife's closet...but it won't be the Browns. Let me repeat that - Someone will be making money off of My Sister Wife's Closet but it won't be the Browns.

Side Trips to Exciting Places

Of course, there will be side stories about road trips, but not to Disneyland...we know that from the Dargers the mean Disney folks either wouldn't comp their admission fees or wouldn't allow cameras...maybe for both reasons. Who knows?


Birthday Parties. Christmas, and any other holiday for that matter.

Well, we just saw a party for King Solomon's first birthday. I suspect Kody's birthday will be highlighted. I will be very surprised if any of the other children birthday's will be shown. That's such a pity because they (along with the interactions between the wives) are what makes the show most interesting. And of course, Kody's presents (both birthday and Christmas) will demand primetime treatment.

Time will tell! Stay tuned!

Cynical Jinx' Review Polygamy, USA : The New Polygamist

Time sure flies when you're having fun! So we have come to the last episode, which in true reality show fashion, should try to tie up all those silly loose ends generated throughout the season.

Of course, NatGeo is not as slick as Bravo's stable of reality shows, or smarmy like TLCs Sister Wives (i.e. no crying Kody or Meri or Robyn, no kids running around a cul-de-sac jubilantly flying kites).

Hmm....I wonder what we'll see?

Before I start, here's some Michael Cawley inspired artwork of the polygamists whose ends were still hanging loose in the last episode.

Uncle Art, son Ezra and wife Gloria

Newlyweds Hyrum and Kellie

 

    

Fashionably soused Rebecca and Marleen

And of course, those happy (and totally soused) sisterwives, Rebecca and Marleen.

"But what about Rose Marie?"

Ah yes, when we last left Rose Marie, she was about to step into the Brethren's office door. She had decided to leave it up to the Brethren to decide which man in their small community she will marry.

According to the narrator, we learn this is the first time "outsiders" have been allowed in a Brethren's office. From the look of his office, I can see why. See how carefully Brethren Cawley has organized his office and desk? At first glance it looks like a normal office, but when you look a little closer...

Notice the book of Priesthood Discourses 1962 placed prominently in the middle of the desk.

There's the computer disc probably holding top secret church matters on the right, and a book of puzzles on the left corner. 

And of course the golf bag holding...Ping golf clubs, I bet. Sitting next to a non-descript brown box. I wonder if the Brethren have placed the names of all the "eligible" CP men in that box and the one they pull out will be Rose Marie's husband.

Hmmm..... Anyway,  being that Brethren Cawley has the same last name as Michael Cawley I supposed it would be safe to assume they are related.

As a matter of fact, they are.

Now, I won't spill the beans on how close a relationship it is, but I will say that male pattern baldness is inherited from a man's mother and not his father.

After the meeting, (and apparently after being coached by the producers) Rose Marie decided to approach her mother with a question...What if she feels the Brethren made the wrong choice?

Could  she still say no?

Rose got this look of total mortification on her face. You could almost hear her mind saying "Not in front of the cameras...NOT IN FRONT OF THE CAMERAS!!!"

She hurriedly spitted out "If you don't feel right about it, you do not do anything." OOPS, wrong answer Rose. You could almost hear a director screaming "CUT!!"

So Rose Marie spelled it out by saying that her Papa said if you go to the Brethren for help and they give you a name, you can't say no because "...it's the Priesthood and they have a direct line to God...saying no to the them is like saying no to God."

Yikes, how is Rose going to get out of this?

Well, she fell back on how she had been taught. Rose  explained "If you believe these men get inspiration from Heavenly Father...then if the answer comes from the Brethren then you are exercising your faith that Heavenly Father is working in your behalf and you believe that those men represent Him." But then she adds "...but you are the one whose going to live with the choice."

So, in other words, Rose Marie you shouldn't have put so much thought into your decision, and just chose a cute boy in town like Kellie did because now you no longer have a choice.

Get ready for that 70 year old husband. Stick a fork in Rose Marie...she's done.

Next up is Ezra's story arc.

The Brethren decided he needed two things before they would approve his marriage: 1) $10000 in the bank and 2) a place to live.

Of course, a sensible, dutiful son would take the advice of his father. He would put his marriage plans on hold, join the missionaries and prove to the Brethren he is worthy to be married.

But Ezra isn't sensible or dutiful. In fact, he's irrational, immature and already a ne'er do well at 19 years of age. He wants everything NOW, and doesn't have a clue how to get it. And the way he shakes when he's around Tiffany makes me wonder if all this "I need it NOW" is driven by his need to...release his inner tensions if you know what I mean.


Anyway, his parents - Uncle Art and Gloria still want to meet and discuss with him about North Dakota and how he plans on meeting the requirements set by the Brethren.

Now, this meeting might have worked if Ezra was level-headed and sensible.

But he isn't.

It's obvious he has no idea how to go about setting goals, making plans to meet those goals and saving money. He doesn't even know how much money, if any, he will be making.

He's a dumb-ass.

But it was particularly cruel of Uncle Art to imply that Tiffany may not wait for him, and that he hopes "Absence makes her heart grow fonder."
Gee, maybe that's the reason Ezra is so messed up, ya think?

And when Ezra tells Tiffany he is leaving for North Dakota, she is so sad.  She even tells him to remember he's got a girlfriend at home but she seemed resigned to the fact he will stray anyway.


So it's a contest who will get the Dear John/Jane letter first. Don't worry, Tiffany. He'll return like a bad penny always does.

I saved myself for marriage. I haven't kiss a guy before...

So let's look at another couple of young people whose marriage was sanctioned by the Brethren. Yep, I'm talking those newlyweds named Hyrum and Kellie.

Now here are two people who were thrown together because Kellie couldn't get Hyrum's name out of her head when she was a sophomore in high school.

Hyrum kind of understands what's going on.

As we watch him packing up his clothes for the move to his brother's house, he talks about barely knowing Kellie. In fact, he's talking like he's moving into a co-ed dorm room, and Kellie will be his roommate.


Kellie says she definitely likes him, and that "love ...will come after we get to know each other and live with each other..."

Sorry, but I kissed a girl before

Ay Carumba!!!

I have a feeling Kellie's gonna be in for some disappointment.

Something tells me Hyrum will be pulling as many strings as possible to get a girl he really likes to marry him in a couple of years.

Yep, marriage to Kellie may be duty, but Hyrum looks like he wants a wife who could match him shot for shot of tequila. A girl similar to ...Connie Cawley, perhaps. (Ha, betcha thought I was going to say Rebecca, didn't you!)

In what could be the most uncomfortable scene for the entire season, Hyrum and Kellie sit down for lunch with each other.

Yeah, I  heard about that...

With Kellie giggling incessantly, Hyrum tries to engage her in conversation. "Do you want to bite this?" Hyrum says, putting a slice of red bell pepper in Kellie's face.

"Do you want to take a bite out of me?" Hyrum asks suggestively, with Kellie immediately recoiling away.

The only time Kellie answered like a married woman was when Hyrum asked her "Do you want to have kids?" "Well, not right now!" she says with a straight face, that immediately dissolves into giggles.

I wonder if Hyrum has cousin Rebecca on speed dial? Like, he needs H E L P!!!


And Kellie needs a T-shirt that says "Hyrum Kissed A Girl Before, And All He Gave Me Was This Fever Blister."



Good grief.

When Michael Cawley brings out that torn picture of what he envisioned his life to be in the year 2040, all I can say is...What a strange 18 year old he must have been. I mean really strange. And I wonder how the corner of his masterpiece got torn off.



And then he starts this discourse on "Raising up a Righteous Royal Seed" and housing them in...hold on to your chapeaus, rusty shipping containers from China no less.

Yep, seven wives and 50 children, housing the "excess" righteous royal seeds in shipping containers. No wonder Connie is throwing him a WTF look while he's going gaga about containers at the table.

The wives  most vehemently against the container housing were Rose and Connie, with Runaway wife Teresa wanting to spend the money on standard additions to the home.

Yeah, like regular people in Centennial Park do.

Once inside the containers (which are not just eyesores, but damn ugly rusty eyesores) we see an amazing turn of events. Suddenly Rose is on board with Michael. So is Runaway Wife Teresa. Connie has been left slowly twisting in the wind. The containers will stay and be used as housing for Michael's righteous royal seed.

Sorry Connie, but next time wear a shirt that doesn't have pink horsies  and chickies on it if you want to be taken seriously.

So what do two sister wives do when their hubby goes off to work for 5 weeks. Well, in the case of Rebecca and Marleen, you have a steak night and drink lots and lots of wine.

Once they were thoroughly soused, they played a card game. The winner, one of them decided, would get the other wife's night with Isaiah.

Now, I'm getting a lot of vibes from these ladies...mainly an undertone of competition they try to hide with "Oh Marleen, you're so funny" or "Oh Rebecca, you're such a nerd."

Yeah right.

I think what Marleen's  thinking is Rebecca, it's time for you to get off your skinny behind and start having some more babies!

How does she walk in those things?

And to the NatGeo Producer, I have a question. Why the lingering shot of Marleen's extremely high heeled shoes she wore to the Dixie State conference?

At the conference, Marleen fielded questions like a professional. Professional polygamist, that is.

For example, driving home the fact that she isn't like the polygamists of the FLDS. She chose to live her life as a polygamist and she has never been abused, Thank you very much.

Actually I believe her. Who'd want to try and mess with a woman wearing 7 inch heels? Those things are lethal weapons!

The episode ends with the Centennial Park families going to worship.

Uncle Art asked Rose Cawley to step up to the podium and give testimony.

Rose said she was grateful for the film crew (being that they are right there in her face). It's what God wanted them to do so people can see "what we want them to see."

And what she says is so true of this series. It wasn't a matter of showing outsiders Centennial Park, but one of only showing outsiders the Centennial Park the insiders want them to see.

We saw the older, wiser polygamists and the new generation.

We saw how they place couples into marriage.


We saw how the community "missionaries" help to build houses and schools.

But as outsiders, we can also see how some things just don't make sense.

For example, saying that woman makes the choice who they will marry when in actuality their choice must be approved by the Brethren. And if she can't make up her mind, guess what? She can ask the Brethren and they will make up her mind for her.

We saw a 15 year old girl break down in tears at the thought of not being able to bear children for her future husband.

We are told there is no abuse, but we see Art Hammon throwing a boot at a young man's head, and saying to son Ezra "You get kisses from your mother, you get a kick in the ass from me."

And don't forget the bedtime story reading by Michael Cawley that said women who live in monogamy are condemning their daughters to live as harlots in the street.

Although the producers strove to "hide" the huge mansions, they are still there for all to see, courtesy of Google Map. Huge mansions being built while the groundwater of Centennial Park is too radioactive to drink, and still no building of their temple on Berry Knoll. Why are the super wealthy men of Centennial Park not taking better care of their community?

The good people of Centennial Park may think we outsiders only see the facade, but they need to know that facade is crumbling and their dark secrets are slowly but surely being seen in all their glory.

Centennial Park needs to wake up.