Review Sister Wives Tells All 2, S06Ep20

There's a reason why I hate the Sister Wives Tells All episodes.  Except for the Natalie Morales Tell All episode where she really put Kody in the hot seat for not apologizing to Christine when he said how her being overweight and eating nachos almost put the kibosh on his marrying her. Even as Morales gently led Kody down a path of redemption by mentioning how hurt Christine seemed earlier, Kody, ever the air headed, Geico caveman only got this blank beady-eyed stare on his face as he said "What I said earlier was true" or something like that.

He just didn't get it. When you look up empathy in the dictionary, it's safe to say you won't see a picture of Kody Brown as an example.

Yes, that Tell All was wonderful. Too bad it has never appeared in its entirety on the internet - Amazon and ITunes only have Morales' much nicer first time on the Sister Wives Tell All circuit from a previous season.

Unfortunately, Tamron Hall is no Natalie Morales. In fact, in this most recent Tell All, she seems to be downright friendly with the Browns and their antics. Now I have seen Hall in action - she shares the same killer go for the juggler instinct that Morales displayed. But, this season, she is clearly in the Brown Kamp.

Tamron has drunk Kody's green Kool-Aid, and she likes it...

Anyway, this episode wasn't so much a Tell All as it was a retelling of all the "events" that happened this past season.

You know a show must be lacking in content if the Tell All episode is 99% rehash of boring stuff. I wanted to see cameo appearances by the other three neighbors in Kody's cul-de-sac. I wanted to see Robyn actually doing something to justify having to have a live-in family member as a housekeeper.

Hell, I wanted to see what Kody Brown does all day! We know it's not work!

Robyn emoting for the cameras

But that wasn't to be. Instead, we got Robyn doing most of the talking for the sisterwives, even though she only has been in the family for a mere four years compared with two decades the other wives have been together.

Now Robyn says on twitter that it was editing that made it appear she did all the talking. I say, Robyn you must have been doing a lot of talking, because otherwise the editor would NOT have had all those sound bites available to edit in your responses to almost every question.

For example, when Meri says that maybe since Mariah is in college now would be a good time to find herself. Or, as she put it "...to do something big and crazy and different."

Robyn adding her two cents...

Was it really necessary for Robyn to butt in saying "This whole conversation makes me mad...Because I feel like she's sitting there thanking us all for helping her raise Mariah, and I expect her to do the same thing for my kids!"

Now, Robyn's statement really doesn't make sense. She came into the family when Mariah was a teenager. After the move to Vegas and the birth of King Sol, Robyn clearly couldn't handle her own children because she announced on an episode of Sister Wives that her sister Taralyce would be helping her out. So where was Robyn helping Meri with Mariah?

And let's not forget in their book "Becoming Sister Wives" how Meri recalled Robyn popping over unannounced at her house with (at that time) her three kids in tow to spend time with her. I've always wondered if Robyn only popped over when it was Kody's night at Meri's house.

Anyway, after Robyn had finished, Meri stated that she will still help Robyn raise her brood.

Kody sort of gave his opinion by saying "...I don't know if right now is the time to gallivant off and find yourself. ...When you think about needing something else to replace Mariah...it's right here."



Meri thinking (from SNL)"Robyn, you ignorant slut..."

Of course, it did not help matters much when Robyn finished Kody's thought by interjecting "it's right next door" before he could even utter the words "it's right here." That was not editing Missy Robyn, that was YOU butting into Kody's conversation with Meri. And it is very transparent what role you feel Meri should play in your family unit - as free domestic help being a nanny while you get busy with your online store and Kody. Ask your sisterwives Christine and Janelle about how Meri parented their children, or better yet read their chapters in "Becoming Sister Wives".

Yeah, we see right through you, Robyn. And apparently so does Meri.

And it was a lost cause for Meri to try to draw a picture of her feeling of emptiness to hard skulled Kody. She asked him to imagine if Janelle or Robyn were to suddenly die, wouldn't he feel an emptiness because instead of four wives, there would only be three wives to have a relationship with.

Kody's empathetic look (or was that constipated?)

This went totally over Kody's head, and Meri knew he wouldn't understand. "But you do, Mariah is still on the phone with you all the time..." he responded, with that blank, beady-eyed stare he gets whenever called upon to consider someone else's feelings.

Meri knows that look well, because she yelled to Tamron, "Next question!". And Meri's tears started to flow when Robyn proceeded to tell Meri "....I can totally see missing [Mariah] - I get that, I really can sympathize...[but] there are so many kids that still need love...There are still relationships I know you want to build..."

Yikes Robyn. So no matter if Meri wants to find herself, it's okay with you as long as 1) She doesn't go far and 2) Still makes time to take care of the kids next door...mainly yours. Funny how quiet Christine and Janelle were during this discussion...they have first hand knowledge of Meri's parenting skills. Again Robyn, READ THE BOOK!

The rest of the episode was just a retelling of events already shown this season. Truely being hospitalized (but no mention of how Meri was away in Utah with Mariah until the day before Truely came home). Mariah and Aspyn graduating from high school and Meri's petite breakdown. The San Francisco trip, with Robyn "modeling" clothes at the size 6 or less shop. And of course, PDA between Kody and his four wives. The same old stuff we already saw.

I want to know what the wives think about Kody's TV room/man cave at Meri's house  only being accessible by walking through Meri's bedroom. I wonder how many times Robyn attempted to pop over unannounced with Meri telling her "Kody is busy right now..." while closing the door in her face. Now THAT would be a Tell All I'd want to see!

Even Tamron's interview with the Brown teens seemed like been there, done that. The only new revelation was that Mykelti was dating. Hmmm...that could explain why she looks so much more stylish than her sisters.

And Mariah apparently has gone the way of Maddie so many years ago by dyeing her hair a dark brown. Like I use to say, what better way to stand out in a sea of blondes than to have shocking brown or black hair. Or in the case of Mykelti, magenta.

Robyn bringing up that Kody doesn't like sharing a bed with King Sol

Last but not least, the most uncomfortable scene was when Kody mentioned how he has to remove King Sol from Robyn's bed every single night. Meri's look was stoic. She must have been remembering how Robyn cried to Kody about not ever having a crib for her first 3 children, and how Kody said "All of my children have cribs". Then much later, Robyn talks about co-sleeping with ALL her children. Guess you don't have need for a crib if the baby sleeps with you, right Robyn? And before I forget, when Robyn furnished King Sol's room, she also had another crib placed in her bedroom. So Sol had TWO cribs.

So Meri, in case you're reading this. I've always thought that Robyn would be the first wife to run away once the money's gone. I'm saying to you...run run run away and divorce Kody ASAP, while the money is still there. Demand your 50% and RUN like the wind and don't look back!

Sister Wives Season Finale Review S06Ep19 The Commitment Celebration

This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
                                                    The Doors


You know, this has been one really long ride.

For one thing, it is perhaps the first time Sister Wives has completed a season of 19 episodes that WASN'T interrupted by a minimum 6 months hiatus.

At first, I thought WOW...does this mean the Sister Wives production company woke up? Well, no but I think perhaps there may have been some kind of change in management at the top of TLC's pyramid who told F8P enough is enough.

And now that the season is officially over, is it just me or did the adult Browns - every last one of them, not get the usual "Oh aren't they just the most loving family" edit?

I mean we all knew how insufferable Kody was. But this season, Robyn, her former best bud Meri and even Christine joined hubby Kody as being the most clueless polygamists ever to be featured in primetime.  The only wife who came out with a halfway decent edit was Janelle, and even then she was shown in a not too flattering light as the doormat wife.

The honeymoon is over....

And then it hit me. Maybe this is the end, my friends. Maybe we won't have the Browns to kick around anymore. Maybe, TLC has kicked Kody's ample butt to the curb one last time and told him "Hey fella! Try to pay for those McMansions with your other job! Hahaha!! Good Luck!"

We could only be so lucky.

So while we ponder the end, let's walk through the highlights of the season finale, appropriately titled "The Commitment Celebration".


The Family Mission Statement

Robyn proudly displaying her "badge" of honor.

I hate Mission Statements. In almost every job I've had, at one point or another we had to waste time creating this useless piece of business rhetoric. And whenever I was asked for my input, I always asked that the mission statement include the phrase "We Came. We Saw. We Kicked Ass."

I think the Browns could have saved a lot of time and aggravation for themselves if they had just asked me to write their Family Mission Statement for them. I think "We Came. We Saw. We Kicked Monogamist Ass! Who Took My Abreva?" would be appropriate since this was the season Robyn continuously put down us lowly monogamists while sporting that cold sore on her lip. I'm surprised she didn't blame her "booboo" on her ex-husband.



The Saga of the Wives Commitment Dresses

Nice

Better

And Meri thinks THIS looks GOOD????

Whoever thought up this obviously overly scripted storyline should be severely chastised. I mean, TLC should resurrect the Spanish Inquisition's Infamous Grand Inquisitor Tomas de Torquemada to go all medieval on their collective asses.

That's just how much I hated this mess. And I would greatly prefer to watch someone being tortured by a master rather than me being tortured by hideous dresses conceived and constructed by amateurs.

The Browns live in Las Vegas, one of the major  entertainment capitals IN THE WORLD. And the best these yahoos could come up with was some poor girl who just graduated from design school to take the Sister Wives horrible designs and make them into  presentable garments?

Sam's mother Althea had to step in and finish the dresses

Who didn't see failure written all across this particular enterprise?

And who believes that Meri and Robyn didn't plan all along to wear something else?

I've seen eliminated dresses on Project Runway that looked better. In the end, Christine looked like she channeled a medievel princess who was fond of the color burnt orange, and her dress looked NOTHING like her original design.

And Janelle, oh my gosh, Janelle's dress was

That lump on Janelle's shoulder did NOT go away!

just...horrible.

The sleeves weren't set into the garment correctly. Seriously folks, if you think those gathers and pleats on the sleeve caps were normal, nope they weren't. If the sleeves were suppose to look like that, the right sleeve cap should have matched the left sleeve cap. It did not.

And the back of the dress was so awful, Janelle looked like she had a humpback. Horrific...

Meri's dress was a goner from the get/go, so she went out to a bridal store to pick out a $59.00 special. I thought it was interesting how Kody mentioned that Robyn should have purchased her dress. Really Kody? I think Christine and Janelle should have purchased their dresses, too!

But Meri isn't off the hook. The dress she bought was pretty, but it was way too small. Let me repeat this....IT WAS WAY TOO SMALL!! Just like everything else in Meri's closet, no doubt.

If there is another season, can someone please PLEASE do an intervention with Meri and clean out all those size 12 clothes and replace them with her correct size, size 16-18???? PLEASE????

Robyn positively giddy she can wear this dress instead of...

this black and purple monstrosity

Robyn's dress was the only one that looked halfway decent. She wore it 2 years ago at a performance of the Nutcracker Ballet.

If there is another season, maybe the wives will put their collective feet down and DEMAND they be allowed to use a reputable designer (like maybe a castoff from Project Runway) or buy their clothes off the rack!

Here's a mini fashion show of the final dresses:

Meri being outshone by bonus kids

Sol reminds me of a human version of Lisa V's Giggy

The back of Janelle's dress was shameful

 

And on the subject of food.....






The Food: Preparation

Meri called upon her sisters and Mother to help create 7000 separate food items for the celebration. There was a selection of savory and sweet items.

Meri's mom cutting up cheese...or butter

That's a lot of meatballs...or sausages maybe?

The Setup....of the Cul-de-Sac Party Venue !!

You know, I have to hand it to Bri. She really was able to turn what could have been a Kody style disaster into a somewhat beautiful event.

Case in point. I never realized how decrepit Kody had allowed those backyards to become. I completely forgot what the jungle of overgrown trees and other crap in the Lehi house's backyard. But somehow I thought Kody and his Kodettes© would take more pride in the McMansion's backyards. After all, we are talking over $2,000,000 in real estate.

So imagine by surprise and dismay that Kody couldn't even bother himself (or have some of his strapping sons) cleanup the weeds and other crap in Robyn's and Meri's shared yard.

Thank goodness Bri made sure the yard was presentable. Even though that bus stop structure maybe could have been a little smaller...

And on the subject of the backyard structure, for some reason Christine called it a "portcullis" in her blog on the MSWC website.

Christine has a problem with interpreting "p" words. When Kody's bromance friend's wife thought Kody might be a pervert, Christine changed to the word to pedophile in her couch interview.

Old habits die hard I guess. For the record, this is a portcullis, Christine...

This is an example of a pergola...

Which for some reason, was expanded to gigantic size for the Celebration...

So I think we should just call it the Kody Brown Family Bus Stop from now on to avoid any confusion...


When Bri was finished, the venue for the Celebration was very nice. Even Kody's stupid lights were a nice touch, too.

 

 

But let's get back to the food.

The Food: Consumption

I thought the food spread was very nice. Or maybe the only reason I felt that way was because I hadn't eaten all day. Anyway, even Trainer Sean took a few samples to nosh on...

Does this guy ever stop with the stupid antics?

Hey Trainer Sean, leave some food for the rest of the guests!

What??? No green Kool-Aid???

I keep thinking I'm forgetting something...

Oh yeah....

THE COMMITMENT CELEBRATION

May I just say something first?

I really don't get what the hell they are celebrating. Thank you.

The Procession of the Kody Brown Family begins...

For what it's worth, the "celebration" went off without a hitch, apparently. They had lot's of guests. I saw Rev Dani standing in the back, and a woman that looked suspiciously like Anne


Wilde at one of the tables. Looks like a lot of family showed up to celebrate: Kody's mother Genielle, his youngest brother, Janelle's mother Sheryl and Meri's mother, sisters and one brother-in-law (who I assume was the MC because he was shown introducing the elder Teens  special gift to their parents) and Robyn's mother. I think I even saw Sam and her mother Althea, Bri and definitely the neighbor with the pool.

Of course there were some mopey moments provided by a choked up Kody and a tear-choked Robyn as each adult Brown read a portion of the Family Mission Statement.

 

The pouring of the sand was pretty, but what was the point again?

A big surprise was all the children giving their parents a short description of what it means to be their children, with the elder teens presenting the parents with a bunch of white roses.

Thank goodness the presentation of the Robyn's S&M leather bracelets to the bonus children and parents was brief...but here's Hunter wearing his.

Most of the manly Brown men (including Kody who kept yelling orders) were available to help plant the Brown Family Tree.

It was amazing to see how tall Garrison and Paedon have grown. Gabriel was still kind of short, though.

And that was the celebration of commitment, the Kody Brown Family way. Here's a picture of Christine (who thankfully took off that dress she had on) boogying the night away.

I would have included a picture of Kody dancing, but I believe it's illegal in 15 states and Canada. Here's a family portrait instead.

That's the end, my friends...Do you think there will be another season? What are your thoughts?

Sister Wives Recap: Celebration Countdown S06Ep18 2/16/14



Patient Savanah waiting her turn...

Isn't it funny how time just flies when you're having fun?

For some unknown reason, TLC chose to reboot season 6 after a break of only 3 months.

Now, the cynic in me thinks maybe this could be the final season of watching the Browns cavorting in the McMansions in a gated cul-de-sac. After all, what's left once the Browns finally conclude their homage to Big Love plot lines and have their .... Commitment Celebration?

They've already done the family trip Nauvoo. Robyn is selling jewelry just like Margene, however I think Margie was more successful at it. Christine is still Plyg Royalty. The only thing left would be for Kody to run for state senate, divorce Meri and then marry Robyn.

Only problem is, I don't think Meri is as easy going as Bill's Barb, and let's face it, she would cut the bitch who tried to take over her #1 position as Kody's legal wife.

So what's left? While we ponder the possibilities, let's start the recap on the penultimate episode of the current season.

“Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman.” ---Coco Chanel

Oh dear, I have a feeling Coco Chanel is literally turning so fast she may possibly bore her coffin straight down through the Earth to China. There's only one word to describe the dresses  Meri, Robyn, Christine and Janelle have designed for themselves....hideous. And to make matters worse, they have entrusted a fresh out of fashion design school seamstress (sorry, I don't think of her as having the chops yet to be called a designer) named Sam to make their creations a reality.

Please tell me this whole segment was scripted. Those were some seriously ugly dresses.



Christine's finished dress

 While we watched Sam laboriously drape fabric DIRECTLY ON THE WIVES bodies in order to create the dress patterns, I have to wonder...did she not watch Project Runway? Did she have to drape directly on the wives because there were no dress forms that could be made big enough to match the wive's ample dimensions?

And what was the deal having the wives fully dressed (which means about 10 layers of clothing so they could be sufficiently 'modest') while Sam pinned and pulled and draped and scissored out her pattern pieces? And why didn't she use plain muslin to make her patterns?

Tim Gunn would have been horrified. I was horrified. I'm hoping that Sam was from Las Vegas Central Casting because frankly, I wouldn't hire her to sew handkerchiefs, let alone a custom made dress. I think Mr. Gunn would agree, sometimes you just have to tell the client NO and quickly run away.

Janelle's dress was made out of a midnight blue satiny material. Christine's looked like a renaissance style dress gone terribly medieval with panels and panels of material. Robyn's looked like it was off the Nordstrom discount rack (complete with black lace trimming) and Meri's...dear Lord, Meri's dress looked like it was the backseat of a 1977 Chrysler Cordoba.

This ain't gonna work...

The only thing missing was  Ricardo Montalban (may he rest in peace) describing the beauty of "Fine Corinthian Leather".

Rant on....Hey Meri, it's a dress, not a piece of furniture. Next time don't choose material from the upholstery section of a fabric store. Better yet, why not have a professional dress designer choose the material. You live in Las Vegas, surely there are hundreds of experienced designers who could throw together a one of a kind type dress without it looking like a third rate Vegas comedian's joke...Rant off...

To Sam's merit, she told Meri her material was made for upholstery and could not be fashioned into the dress Meri envisioned. At the end of the episode it was left as a cliffhanger...What will Meri wear?

Meri, just go to Macy's or David's Bridal and call it a day. Thank you.

Okay, time out for some interesting quotes direct from the cold sore blistered mouths of the elder Browns.

"Really Janelle?" from Robyn after Janelle posed the question what if Kody brings in a 5th wife, would that make their Family Mission Statement obsolete?

Now I really must hand it to Janelle. I know many people have accused her of being too quiet and just taking the nonsense of Robyn and Kody in stony silence. But Janelle proved that she could be just as passive-aggressive as Meri and Robyn...

As Janelle explained her thought process behind asking Kody what would happen to the FMS if a 5th wife joined the family, Kody rambled a response that basically indicated if he DID bring in another wife, they would go through the FMS process again to include the new wife. Then Janelle let go this zinger: "...Ok, (laugh) I really don't foresee it coming but we didn't see Robyn coming either. So you know...."

Now THAT was a slap to Robyn's face heard round the cul-de-sac. Betcha Meri didn't see Robyn coming either until she noticed Kody giving her the eye at that dance so many moons ago!

"I think I'm done having new wives come into the family..." from Kody who was trying to put to rest any thought of his courting a 5th wife. Only problem, I thought it was from divine revelation that a woman (as Robyn so happily explained in her TLC blog) decides which man she usurps...I mean marries. So when he followed up with this statement made directly to his wives " Do any of you actually have a spiritual inclination that our family would grow other than a few more children?", the  look on the wives faces (except Robyn's of course) told the truth.

Meri stared straight at Kody, with that "You are my priesthood holder so I'm keeping my mouth shut" look on her face. Christine had a wistful look on her face, suggesting she was counting up how old Robyn was (35) and the fact she's only had one baby in almost 3 years so there must be a lot of recreational sex rather than procreational sex going on. And Janelle had a look best described as concern I think for Christine's wellbeing, as it appeared she turned her head and was looking directly at Christine for her reaction.

Of course, Kody was totally oblivious.

My opinion? If courting a 5th wife would add another season or two to the show, Kody would do it in a heartbeat. He's just that kind of guy...

Not surprisingly, Meri  voiced her concern of what will happen after all the hoopla over the FMS and commitment celebration comes to the inevitable end. I have to agree, what will happen? What will change? What will remain the same?

In typical Kody style, he put on his matter of fact voice and calmly but firmly told Meri he was tired of her Debbie Downer attitude and said "Meri, you are going to have to move your mindset to a positive affirmation place where you are being hopeful. Let's all be hopeful instead of concerned."

In other words, Kody was telling Meri and the rest of his wives to "Keep Sweet" and to leave the "serious thinking" to their Lord and Master, Kody.

Meri, if you're reading this, you are in Las Vegas. There are many good divorce attorneys practicing there. Find one and take this a$$hole to the cleaners before the money's all used up!

Sounds to me like Kody is still following the Big Love playbook. I really think he wants to divorce Meri in order to marry Robyn. Hell, at least it would make for an interesting season!

But there does appear to be trouble in paradise between Kody and Robyn. At the celebration rehearsal, held underneath the brand new Brown Family Sized Pergola (located between Robyn and Meri's houses and surrounded by grass), Maddie asked "What if we don't agree with our mission statement? Now later, Maddie claimed she was just jerking Robyn's chain, but I'm beginning to wonder...did she ask that knowing it would cause an argument between Kody and main squeezee wife Robyn?

I don't know for sure, but the most embarrassing moment of the episode was when Kody began his answer to Maddie by saying "If you don't like it or you don't agree with it, I'm not going to make you sign it. Anybody who disagrees with that mission statement..." he was then abruptly interrupted by Robyn who finished his sentence with "...THEN THEY BETTER MOVE OUT!"

Funny thing, Maddie's question which her Dad tried to answer but was so rudely interrupted by her "evil" bonus mom actually caused Kody and Robyn to have a heated argument. I think I even heard Robyn say she was finished and taking her ball home with her, so to speak.  Maddie definitely won that round, and I have to give her props that she was perfectly bitchy.

Yep, Robyn is an idiot, no doubt about it. And later when the older teens have their couch interview, they aren't buying into the necessity of a Family Mission Statement at all. Sounds like Kody should call up his "good friend" Papa Joe Darger for some leadership tips because he is failing all the way around! After all, it was Papa Joe's who told Kody about the Darger Family Mission Statement that started this damn mess to begin with.

Hey, those bracelets look vaguely familiar!

For some reason, Robyn decided to "design" some absolutely hideous leather cuff bracelets for the children and teens to wear at the celebration. All I could think was where did THAT idea come from.






Then I saw this picture of Sam the Seamstress. Looks like Robyn doesn't have an original thought in her head. Or if she had one, it would die from loneliness.

Oh yeah, the cuffs will be available soon on MSWC.






Finally, Kody decided he wanted to string lights from the houses and have them meet in the middle of the cul-de-sac. I was in shock. First because we actually saw Kody working, and second, because he drilled what looked like large screws directly into the stucco exterior of the McMansions. You know what that's gonna look like in a couple of years?

And Kody standing on a paint bucket that's been placed on top of a second story half wall to drill those screws in....I hope Meri's got a lot of insurance on his a$$.

What an idiot.

Here's some interesting pictures for you to enjoy!



Meri showing Sam the what body parts to emphasize...



The Brown Family underneath the new pergola between Meri's and Robyn's McMansion.



Janelle being "draped" for pleats...



Robyn being "draped". She's got some lumps there...



Why does Kody look like he's chewing tobacco?



Did Kody realize how dangerous this was?

So, what will Meri wear? Will Kody get the lights strung in time? We will find out  next Sunday in the two hour season finale!