Review Sister Wives S09Ep05: Marriage Counseling Texas Style

Before I start my latest review, I just have a few questions to ask...you know, to get y'all into the spirit of this latest episode from the Kody and Robyn Show featuring a guest sister wife performance by Christine Brown with the other Two Original Wives in short cameos sitting on the interview couch.

First Question....

Who qualifies as a certifiable, 21st Century Neanderthal?

Second Question...

Who is a Narcissistic Jerk?

Third and Final Question....

Who (besides Robyn Brown) makes watching Sister Wives a cruel and unusual punishment which, in turn,  should make it a 3rd Class Felony, just like Polygamy?

Well, the answers are very simple...it's that Narcissistic Jerk of a Neanderthal, KODY BROWN!!

A face only a mother and four emotionally needy women could love

And Mr. Robyn Brown does not disappoint in this episode...nosiree...

So let's get started, shall we?

Of course, the episode has got to begin with the continuing saga of Kody adopting Robyn's children. Kody doesn't mention this, but two of Robyn's kids are already teenagers. If Kody and Robyn don't act fast, Dayton and Aurora will be old enough to vote, and that would take the wind out of this poorly thought out storyline straight out of Big Love.

Yep, and in eight minutes we get to see just how desperate Kody and Robyn are. Robyn is so "overcome" by desperation, she even has a well placed panic attack on the interview couch.

That marriage license is mine, MINE!! So back off, Sweetie!

That's OK, Robyn hon. I get it that you realize the audience isn't going to fall for this song and dance about why you and Kody had to get legally married. So I'm not surprised you "suddenly" couldn't breathe. And no, I don't have any sympathy that you're finding taking away your children's bio-father's parental rights isn't as easy as say, getting Meri to give up her legal marriage.



So even though Kody described Montana as having a "thriving Polygamist community" and was sure a local Judge would sympathize with Robyn's need to sever her ex's legal claim to his children, the newly married couple were shocked, SHOCKED that a Montana judge ruled since the children, Kody and his lovely missus Robyn are residents of Nevada, Nevada has jurisdiction in the matter, not Montana.

Living in the monogamy world is such a bummer, isn't it?

But you can bet your sweet bippy that once Kody's adoption plans goes through, and Robyn no longer needs to remain legally married to Kody, Robyn will never let go of that legal piece of paper called a marriage license as easily as Meri gave it up.

Nope. Ain't gonna happen.

Now to the segment where Kody and Christine go to Galveston for their 21st wedding anniversary.

Lord have mercy, this segment was absolutely horrific - like watching an accident happening and you just can't look away.

And who in their right mind would take their marriage counselor on their anniversary trip?

Well, the obvious answer is Kody, who shows how little he cares for Christine, the woman who brought six of his spirit babies into this world.

Some highlights:

Christine is jealous. Christine hates living in plural marriage. Translation: Christine has realized that sharing a man with three other women is not easy, if not impossible. But she already knew that - that's why she wanted to be the 3rd and last wife.

Oopsy, that didn't happen because Kody brought in a 4th wife. So sorry Christine. Welcome to the real world...and take those damn rose-colored glasses off!

Kody could barely hide his contempt for Christine. After a series of exercises that were facilitated by their marriage counselor, where Kody TOTALLY ignored Christine and did what he wanted to do despite her feeble protests that he needs to listen to her, Christine admitted to defeat, stopped protesting and just did whatever Kody wanted. And the marriage counselor said absolutely NOTHING.

And then the audience was allowed to see the ugly side of Kody, and his world of Polygamy. He tells Christine: "Honor the entire family and I will 'love' you".

Translation: Honor my family with Robyn, and I might tolerate you. For a while...

And all Christine did was to shake her head, yes. She said she was looking for love, and Kody said he was looking for a family foundation. And then he asked her...

"What can I give you in return so that we're, you know, we're a win-win marriage?"

If it was me instead of Christine, I would have screamed at the top of my lungs..."A DIVORCE, fool!" But Christine isn't me, and she is polygamy blueblood, a true born-in, a woman who has struggled in her marriage since the addition of wife #4. A woman still bearing the emotional scars from when her mother left polygamy and her family when Christine was a young child.

She asked Kody to trust her, that she loves her sister wives and the entire family. She begged Kody to trust her. And that was the saddest thing I've ever witnessed on a reality show. Her desperate pleas, was just so sad because you could tell Kody could care less about her. It was all about Kody, his wants and his needs.

And even as he tried to explain how much HE learned from the sessions, you could tell by the look on Christine's face it wasn't enough. She wants romance, and Kody doesn't, at least not with her.

Yep, looks like Robyn and her 'Honeymoon Experience' she talked about in Season 3 has won Kody's heart. Sorry Christine and the other Original Two wives. You lose.



It made me sick. Christine deserves more.

 

Review: Sister Wives S09Ep03: Wrestling With Adoption

I have had such a problem writing the reviews this season, and considering we are only into the second episode...that's not good.

My Sister Wives mojo done up and went on vacay without me. Damn!!!

But then I said to myself, "Self...this is Sister Wives we're dealing with; it's a half-assed reality show, not even a real documentary. It's like a 21st century Beverly Hillbillies set in a Las Vegas gated cul-de-sac. A Myrtle Manor without the charm, the double-wides or the humor.For goodness sakes, it's not even good tv!! Snap out of it, girl! It could be worse, ya know...like being forced to watch Law and Order: Special Victims Unit reruns all day."

And just like THAT, my mojo returned home to me. Well, not for long. I saw plane tickets to Fiji in my mojo's back pocket....Oh Well.

Let's start the review, shall we?

Robyn's "We Are Not Amused" look...

It's becoming very clear the current season of Sister Wives will be the Kody and Robyn Show, at the expense of the Original Three Wives.

At the end of last week's episode, while Meri appeared to be totally out of it mentally and emotionally, Kody and Robyn shared a kiss in a parking lot before making their way to the Justice of the Peace to make it legal.

And at the beginning of this episode, at Robyn's McMansion, a weary looking Meri haltingly advised Robyn's children that she and "dad" had dissolved their marriage so that "dad" would be free to legally marry their mother.

Surprisingly, Meri's acorn Mariah was present, as was Christina. Janelle was there, too,  looking like invisible bamboo sticks were being forcibly shoved under her fingernails.

But even though Meri appeared on the verge of breaking down, so much so that Robyn's Breanna even noticed Meri's distress, Kody boldly continued. He completely ignored Meri's angst, asking that question we've seen in the previews, "Would you guys like me to adopt you?" to Robyn's children by another daddy.

An over enthusiastic Aurora immediately made a beeline for Kody's lap - exhibiting behavior that was so weird and out of place, it actually was disturbing to watch. It made me wonder who the heck has been coaching that girl. Then I remembered, she's Robyn's daughter. 'Nuff said.

 At least I could find some humor in this segment. Old Kody was looking a bit thick around the waist. He reminded me of Jabba the Hutt if Jabba was a few pounds lighter and reclined in a strato-lounger.

The rest of this episode left a distinctly foul taste in my mouth. Robyn appeared too self-satisfied...too happy. It's obvious she is loving her new status as the legal Mrs. Kody Brown, and that it is simply VILE!!

Robyn smiled happily while her sister Taralyce put her beauty college education to good use and cut King Sol's hair. I wonder where the Child Development graduate/nanny/housekeeper Mindy was. Has she left the cul-de-sac for good? Hmmm....

And Robyn looked adoringly in Kody's eyes as he asked her "So does that mean we can have another baby once we cut his hair?" "This is so embarrassing!" she says in her talking head interview.

Yeah, I bet it was embarrassing for you Robyn. NOT!

Robyn even showed off her true sister wife selfishness (usually reserved for the legal wife I presume) when she complained about having to "babysit" Christina's daughter Gwynnie. She actually listed off the reasons why she was too busy to take care of someone else's kid. Even when that bonus child was the same age as Robyn's Aurora and best friends.

Smooth move, Ex-Lax.

But let's talk about that mini-road trip to Winnemucca Nevada, where the State Wrestling Championships were being held first.

Kody decided to have about half of his family members travel to Winnemucca to watch Hunter wrestle. Now, if you've ever watch a Kody Brown road trip, you already know it's usually a disaster, and this time Kody did not disappoint.

If Papa Joe Darger had been in charge, he would have rented maybe 2 of those 8 seater vans (so popular with polygamists), loaded up the luggage and been on their way. But nooooo....Kody had to make a huge production about it.

First Kody argued with Janelle about why they are taking cars instead of vans. Then, Kody argued with Christine, who rented what appeared to be a Toyota Corolla for the trip. Then Christine argued with Janelle, who wanted to drive her own car for some dumb reason. And the cherry on the top of this yummy sundae was the sudden decision by Christine's daughter Gwynnie  to stay at home in the cul-de-sac.

I don't blame Gwynnie for not wanting to go on another Brown Family road trip to Hell. But I simply don't understand why Christine made such a big deal that if Gwynnie didn't go on the trip, she had to stay with bonus mom Robyn, who somehow was exempted from the trip and appeared less than enthused about taking care of her. And what exactly did Christine mean when she told Gwynnie that Grandma Annie would not be at the house all the time, therefore Gwynnie  could not be left alone in the house with Paedon?

Totally weird. But not as weird as Robyn slacking off her sister wife's duties by trying to get out of babysitting her own daughter's best friend, and "sister". When Robyn joined the family, she loved to say that taking care of another sister wife's children was one of the reason plural marriage was superior to a monogamist marriage. Christine even tried to communicate that distinction in the couch interview. Unfortunately, there was the footage of Robyn basically saying "I'm too busy and don't want to be bothered."  I pity the Original Three and their children. Polygamy is not what it's hype up to be, at least not in the Kody Brown household.

Back to Winnemucca, it was amazing how Kody made this segment out to be totally about him, instead of Hunter. And it was hilarious watching Christine contradict herself, first by saying in a talking head how she had never seen wrestling until she  married Kody, and then on the couch saying she used to watch wrestling matches when she was in High School.

 I was confused, but you know what? I no longer cared, because that's business as usual on the Kody and Robyn Show. Oh, and Hunter won the state championship for the second year in a row...

Kody also showed how delusional he is to think he is such a wonderful father. Face it Kody. You will never be Father of the Year. So even though Kody said he will pay more attention to his daughters still at home, I doubt very seriously he will follow through on that promise. In fact, Maddie's short talking head illustrated the fickleness of that man-child we know as Kody Brown. Maddie said her dad would take the girls out for ice cream every week. She loved those outings she said, but then, they suddenly stopped. So I'm not holding my breath that Kody has changed his ways. At least not with the daughters of wives Christine and Janelle.

Oh, and then there was that big production showing Kody and Krew building a huge children playground smack dab in the green zone between Meri's and Robyn's McMansions. Looks like Robyn is going to be very busy baking brownies in her oven for the next couple of years, especially when Kody said having children was part of their faith.

Now that's a frightening thought.

Since Maddie has announced she will not be joining the mainstream Mormon Church after all, it wouldn't make sense to talk about that segment of the episode...well...I do have to mention Kody is not very good at teaching his family about their religion. That Gwynnie didn't understand the difference between LDS and fundamentalist mormonism was rather telling just how much Kody has slacked off being Priesthood holder for his families. The AUB must be so proud...NOT!

Finally we get to the part of the episode everyone has been waiting for - Kody's quest to steal...oops, to adopt David Jessop's children to make them real Brownies....I mean Browns.

In five minutes, we learned....

Robyn wanted the adoption to be handled in Montana to make it "easier" for daddy David Jessop, but Kody wants it in Nevada and is willing to go to WAR for Robyn's children.

Robyn's ex has been dodging being served the legal papers in Montana, even when Robyn has offered to get him off the hook for paying child support and past medical bills. Hmmm....I'm left wondering if that offer was even legal.

And if I never hear Robyn mention her "mother's instinct in her gut" again it will be too soon.

Let's hope Kody the Krazy Adoption Warrior can adopt Robyn's kids before they reach legal age in a couple of years.