Review: My Five Wives S01Ep02 Season Premiere 3/9/14

First of all, let me explain why this is episode 2 instead of episode 1. It's simple, really. Amazon Instant Video has the pilot episode listed as episode 1. So, to avoid any confusion (and accidental ordering of the wrong episode) I follow their numbering system for the episodes.

Okay, now to my review.

I absolutely hate...the dream sequence at the beginning of the episode. I hope this won't be every week because it is downright S.C.A.R.Y.!!! I kept expecting Brady to scream "This isn't a dream, this is real!!!!" as a scrawny wife's hand runs its  razor sharp talons down his naked chest and stomach.

I guess this was the producer's way to show the audience the Williams are not like the Browns, but surely they could have found a less scarier way to do that.

Of course, there were the obligatory wife introductions to get the audience up to speed with the Williams:

• Paulie is Brady's first wife. They have six children and have been married for 22 years.
• Robyn is his second wife, married for 21 years with five children. Her parents were polygamists.
• Rosemary is his third wife. They have four children and have been married for 19 years.
• Nonie is his fourth wife. They have been married 16 years and have five children.
• Rhonda is his fifth wife. Now, her story seems to be complex: She said she dated Brady when they were in their twenties, but married him after he married the previous four women. (So what was she doing in the time between dating Brady and marrying him? Hmmm...) They have four children. Her parents were also polygamists.

Now, I know the inevitable comparisons between Brady and Kody will happen, but  it appears the producers are trying really hard to show that Brady Williams is no Kody Brown.

For one thing, Brady has a J.O.B. He owns a construction company with his brother Jared who explained why he wasn't a polygamist by saying "I wasn't that much of a Mormon when I was a Mormon."

Brady drives a four wheel drive truck instead of a fancy Lexus sports car. And he is studying for a degree in Philosophy. I doubt Kody could spell philosophy let alone take college level classes in the subject.

And the Williams are not afraid to answer when a producer asks them to walk her through the wife's rotation schedule with Brady.  A major difference from the Browns was this "couch" interview was held inside one of the wife's home instead of a studio living room, and  neither Brady (nor a wife named Robyn) attempted to answer all the questions. They laughed like it was real, not scripted.

It was refreshing how low-keyed Brady and his wives were. Well, sort of low-keyed. I''ll talk about that a little later.

A couple of the wives said they were bothered knowing that Brady was "sleeping" with another wife, while first wife Paulie said she doesn't have a problem. Rosemary said she grew up knowing she would be sharing her husband, saying "It would be silly of me to expect Brady to never have sex with another wife."

Since the Williams have left the AUB church, they will be relocating to possibly another state soon. Wife Paulie didn't appear to want to move far from her family located in Montana and Utah while her sisterwives appeared willing to move to Washington.

So there will be the obligatory 'Brady finding his Plymouth Rock' story arc for sure. Something tells me they WON'T be settling in Las Vegas, however.

Now, I'm not saying Brady's polygamist family is not without its problems. The wives did appear to  have a problem talking to their sisterwives about any problems they may have with each other. Brady asked his wives to open the lines of communication between each other by utilizing something he called "Safe Talk".

On paper this idea of "Safe Talk" may have looked good. But in practice, Paulie and Nonie showed how it doesn't work, especially if you have a sisterwife like Nonie who acts as if she is walking a very thin wire between being sweet and being a complete psychopath. In fact, I've never seen a woman switch from nice to raving maniac so quickly. "Don't change me and don't tell me I'm wrong!" she screams to Brady when he confronted her about what happened between Paulie and Nonie during their "Safe Talk". One thing for sure, Nonie would fit right in with the mothers on 'Dance Moms'.

In retrospect, maybe Brady should have majored in Psychology instead of Philosophy, but to his credit he was willing to admit he may have been wrong trying to force his wives into using his "Safe Talk" concept before they were ready. That's the biggest difference between Brady and Kody -   how Brady treats, tries to understand and communicates with ALL of his wives. And his willingness to admit he may have been wrong.

I'm hoping that TLC doesn't cancel this series. It was refreshing to watch women who chose a lifestyle trying to work through the difficulties of that choice and to hear it from their mouths instead of from a narcissistic, self-centered  fame whore of a  husband.

In some sense, they are worse off than the Browns - because they chose to leave their church, they are no longer accepted in their community, basically being told to move on and leave their homes. It's not the law making them move, it's their own people who they use to worship with each week.

But there is one question I still have...Brady Williams has been out of the AUB for many years, so why the sudden push to move? It makes me wonder if the AUB didn't want the reality show filming on their property. So was the move necessitated by the show? Will the Williams move into a deluxe,  five home compound behind a gate? Will Nonie continue to feel "like an absolute failure?" or will she be able to work through her feelings of insecurity?

Perhaps in future episodes we will find out.

Off Topic Sunday March 9, 2014 - Premiere My 5 Wives Airs Tonight!

Okay, so this isn't so much an off topic thing as a "Cynical Jinx Forgot About the Premiere of My 5 Wives Tonight 3/9/14 on TLC" thing.

My Bad! So to keep you in the loop, don't forget the newest polygamy series premieres tonight...My 5 Wives on TLC. Check your local listings for the time.

While you're waiting, here's a link to an article to whet your appetite for tonight's show!

The Real Polygamous, Feminist Wives of Salt Lake City

Teresa Giudice and her husband "Juicy Joe"

Who didn't see this coming? I remember watching that very first episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey where Teresa Giudice went shopping for furniture. She spent over $120,000 and PAID CASH.

The first thought that went through my mind was...Who in their right mind would pay such an exorbitant  amount of money on furniture AND pay for it in cash?

I was not impressed, because it's been my experience anyone paying that amount in cash usually had something to hide. Cash doesn't leave a paper trail like using credit cards or checks do.

Unfortunately for the Giudices, they forgot that being on a network TV reality show, being shown spending a crap load of cash to furnish the ugliest mansion on the planet and then having the unmitigated gall to try to declare bankruptcy would not fly. Not when their excesses and various sources of income were documented on video tape!

While the Giudices pleading guilty to fraud is somewhat satisfying, it is still sad how this will affect their four daughters.

But, who would'da thunk that old saying Crime Does Not Pay would actually come true?

Here's a link with some juicy details:

Teresa Giudice, Joe Giudice plead guilty to fraud charges; both face prison, while he could be deported

ABC/Rick Rowell

Last but certainly not least, the latest version of ABC's The Bachelor ends Monday night. Who will Juan Pablo choose? After wasting what seems like years of my life watching this really really boring guy (and trying to figure out what he's saying) I am glad it's finally over. And they better not announce the next bachelorette will be cast off Andi (the prosecuting attorney) because I do not want to watch that arguing wrench ever again.

Juan Pablo hands out his final rose Monday night 3/10/14 on ABC. Check your local listings for the broadcast time.

Here's an interesting and humorous article about this season's The Bachelor. Looks like I'm not alone in my assessment:

Juan Pablo Galavis the "Worst Bachelor Ever"? Producers Can't Wait for Season to Be Over!

Review Sister Wives Tells All 2, S06Ep20

There's a reason why I hate the Sister Wives Tells All episodes.  Except for the Natalie Morales Tell All episode where she really put Kody in the hot seat for not apologizing to Christine when he said how her being overweight and eating nachos almost put the kibosh on his marrying her. Even as Morales gently led Kody down a path of redemption by mentioning how hurt Christine seemed earlier, Kody, ever the air headed, Geico caveman only got this blank beady-eyed stare on his face as he said "What I said earlier was true" or something like that.

He just didn't get it. When you look up empathy in the dictionary, it's safe to say you won't see a picture of Kody Brown as an example.

Yes, that Tell All was wonderful. Too bad it has never appeared in its entirety on the internet - Amazon and ITunes only have Morales' much nicer first time on the Sister Wives Tell All circuit from a previous season.

Unfortunately, Tamron Hall is no Natalie Morales. In fact, in this most recent Tell All, she seems to be downright friendly with the Browns and their antics. Now I have seen Hall in action - she shares the same killer go for the juggler instinct that Morales displayed. But, this season, she is clearly in the Brown Kamp.

Tamron has drunk Kody's green Kool-Aid, and she likes it...

Anyway, this episode wasn't so much a Tell All as it was a retelling of all the "events" that happened this past season.

You know a show must be lacking in content if the Tell All episode is 99% rehash of boring stuff. I wanted to see cameo appearances by the other three neighbors in Kody's cul-de-sac. I wanted to see Robyn actually doing something to justify having to have a live-in family member as a housekeeper.

Hell, I wanted to see what Kody Brown does all day! We know it's not work!

Robyn emoting for the cameras

But that wasn't to be. Instead, we got Robyn doing most of the talking for the sisterwives, even though she only has been in the family for a mere four years compared with two decades the other wives have been together.

Now Robyn says on twitter that it was editing that made it appear she did all the talking. I say, Robyn you must have been doing a lot of talking, because otherwise the editor would NOT have had all those sound bites available to edit in your responses to almost every question.

For example, when Meri says that maybe since Mariah is in college now would be a good time to find herself. Or, as she put it "...to do something big and crazy and different."

Robyn adding her two cents...

Was it really necessary for Robyn to butt in saying "This whole conversation makes me mad...Because I feel like she's sitting there thanking us all for helping her raise Mariah, and I expect her to do the same thing for my kids!"

Now, Robyn's statement really doesn't make sense. She came into the family when Mariah was a teenager. After the move to Vegas and the birth of King Sol, Robyn clearly couldn't handle her own children because she announced on an episode of Sister Wives that her sister Taralyce would be helping her out. So where was Robyn helping Meri with Mariah?

And let's not forget in their book "Becoming Sister Wives" how Meri recalled Robyn popping over unannounced at her house with (at that time) her three kids in tow to spend time with her. I've always wondered if Robyn only popped over when it was Kody's night at Meri's house.

Anyway, after Robyn had finished, Meri stated that she will still help Robyn raise her brood.

Kody sort of gave his opinion by saying "...I don't know if right now is the time to gallivant off and find yourself. ...When you think about needing something else to replace Mariah...it's right here."



Meri thinking (from SNL)"Robyn, you ignorant slut..."

Of course, it did not help matters much when Robyn finished Kody's thought by interjecting "it's right next door" before he could even utter the words "it's right here." That was not editing Missy Robyn, that was YOU butting into Kody's conversation with Meri. And it is very transparent what role you feel Meri should play in your family unit - as free domestic help being a nanny while you get busy with your online store and Kody. Ask your sisterwives Christine and Janelle about how Meri parented their children, or better yet read their chapters in "Becoming Sister Wives".

Yeah, we see right through you, Robyn. And apparently so does Meri.

And it was a lost cause for Meri to try to draw a picture of her feeling of emptiness to hard skulled Kody. She asked him to imagine if Janelle or Robyn were to suddenly die, wouldn't he feel an emptiness because instead of four wives, there would only be three wives to have a relationship with.

Kody's empathetic look (or was that constipated?)

This went totally over Kody's head, and Meri knew he wouldn't understand. "But you do, Mariah is still on the phone with you all the time..." he responded, with that blank, beady-eyed stare he gets whenever called upon to consider someone else's feelings.

Meri knows that look well, because she yelled to Tamron, "Next question!". And Meri's tears started to flow when Robyn proceeded to tell Meri "....I can totally see missing [Mariah] - I get that, I really can sympathize...[but] there are so many kids that still need love...There are still relationships I know you want to build..."

Yikes Robyn. So no matter if Meri wants to find herself, it's okay with you as long as 1) She doesn't go far and 2) Still makes time to take care of the kids next door...mainly yours. Funny how quiet Christine and Janelle were during this discussion...they have first hand knowledge of Meri's parenting skills. Again Robyn, READ THE BOOK!

The rest of the episode was just a retelling of events already shown this season. Truely being hospitalized (but no mention of how Meri was away in Utah with Mariah until the day before Truely came home). Mariah and Aspyn graduating from high school and Meri's petite breakdown. The San Francisco trip, with Robyn "modeling" clothes at the size 6 or less shop. And of course, PDA between Kody and his four wives. The same old stuff we already saw.

I want to know what the wives think about Kody's TV room/man cave at Meri's house  only being accessible by walking through Meri's bedroom. I wonder how many times Robyn attempted to pop over unannounced with Meri telling her "Kody is busy right now..." while closing the door in her face. Now THAT would be a Tell All I'd want to see!

Even Tamron's interview with the Brown teens seemed like been there, done that. The only new revelation was that Mykelti was dating. Hmmm...that could explain why she looks so much more stylish than her sisters.

And Mariah apparently has gone the way of Maddie so many years ago by dyeing her hair a dark brown. Like I use to say, what better way to stand out in a sea of blondes than to have shocking brown or black hair. Or in the case of Mykelti, magenta.

Robyn bringing up that Kody doesn't like sharing a bed with King Sol

Last but not least, the most uncomfortable scene was when Kody mentioned how he has to remove King Sol from Robyn's bed every single night. Meri's look was stoic. She must have been remembering how Robyn cried to Kody about not ever having a crib for her first 3 children, and how Kody said "All of my children have cribs". Then much later, Robyn talks about co-sleeping with ALL her children. Guess you don't have need for a crib if the baby sleeps with you, right Robyn? And before I forget, when Robyn furnished King Sol's room, she also had another crib placed in her bedroom. So Sol had TWO cribs.

So Meri, in case you're reading this. I've always thought that Robyn would be the first wife to run away once the money's gone. I'm saying to you...run run run away and divorce Kody ASAP, while the money is still there. Demand your 50% and RUN like the wind and don't look back!