Welcome everyone to the first ever Plyggie Awards!
Before we start the award presentations, let's enjoy a musical interlude from Utah's finest house band, and the choice band of Meri Brown...Give it up for VAN LADY LOVE!!!
(Warning: Typical Utah cover band music. Play at your own risk)
Let's give out the first award, shall we?
The candidates for this award were the strongest we've ever seen. In fact, each had a look that could stop a clock dead at 20 paces.
They were:
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| Paulie "I Pay The Bills, B****" Williams |
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| Nonie "Don't Change Me!(cuz I'm cray cray)" Williams |
and...
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| Robyn "Don't Call Me Sweetie" Brown |
Come on down here and collect your hard earned 'Plyggie' while we show some more examples of your best work!
Who can forget Robyn's face while she waited "patiently" for Mona the Psychic to finish with Kody. Guess she didn't like that prediction about Kody bringing in a 5th.
It's interesting how Robyn faulted Kody for telling the truth rather than herself for secretly going behind her future sisterwive's backs by having Kody decide about the dress.
But my favorite has to be the royal "We are not amused" face Robyn sported after Christine had her way with her during the taping of the Tell All episode this last season.
Suffice to say if looks could kill, Christine would be cooling her jets in the Celestial Kingdom if Robyn had her way! But her hair looked FABULOUS!
The next category is...
The Overall Best, Worst Case of Conspicuous Consumption by a Polygamist Family
The lucky candidates were...
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| The 72 oz Steak Challenge - Kody Brown Family |
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| The ReCommitment Ceremony - Kody Brown Family |
I love when Kody looks like he's about to upchuck...don't you?
Kody gives klowns and the need to ReCommit a bad name...
and of course...those lovely oversized, cheaply made barns collectively known as The Kody Brown McMansions behind the Gated Cul-de-Sac...
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Aerial Map of the Cul-de-sac Courtesy Bing.com
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And the Award For The Overall Best, Worst Case of Conspicuous Consumption by a Polygamist Family goes to...The Kody Brown McMansions!
Kody, come on down and collect your 'Plyggie' while you still can!
While we wait for Kody to gather his wits (and his wives) here's a brief replay of the history of the Kody's McMansions.
The McMansions were born out of the need for Kody to provide each of his four wives a home so that they would not have to bump butts in the kitchen with Meri. At least that's what Kody told a disbelieving Papa Joe Darger and his three wives - who make do in one kitchen under one roof in a house about the same size of one McMansion.
And who can forget the sight of a jubilant Kody, leaving his scent in the dirt around the four cul-de-sac lots.
Who would've thunk from such humble beginnings...
Kody Brown would eventually end up in these four truly awful representations of the American Dream, Polygamist style.
No Day Job...Three Million Dollars in Mortgages...No Worries, right Kody?
Next up...
The Overall Best, Worst Case of Loose Lips Sinking Ships
The candidates were...
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| Rebecca Richard |
Meri may not do weird, but according to Rebecca she knows polygamist that do. I suppose a husband and his wives sharing a bed together saves on having to buy bedroom furniture for each wife, right?
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| Kody "I Picked Out Robyn's Wedding Dress" Brown |
and, of course...
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| Christine "I'm A Great Liar" Brown |
And the Award for The Overall Best, Worst Case of Loose Lips Sinking Ships goes to...Christine Brown! Hands down, baby!!!
While Christine slowly makes her way through the crowd of monogamist sharks and toasters, let's take a look at some of her better Loose Lips moments....
Who can forget Christine's proud proclamation that she was the family liar while playing goofy golf a couple of seasons ago?
Or how she "playfully" mentioned at the mortgage application meeting how she sometimes forgets to pay important bills. You know, like electricity, water, rent...THOSE kind of bills.
But her most egregious acts of loose lips occurred this last season when she...
1) Told the venture capitalists that if given too much money for My Sisterwife's Closet, the Browns may not want to work hard...
and...
2) Proudly proclaimed in the Route 66 road trip episode that "Plygs like free stuff..." She also chuckled how a Route 66 restaurant had to clean up their mess left over from Truely's birthday party.
Yes siree, Christine is certainly a positive voice for Polygamy world-wide!
Next up are the categories honoring those wonderful supporting characters that appeared in polygamist reality shows.
Lets honor the important second fiddlers!!
The candidates for The Overall Best, Worst Performance of a Female Polygamist in a Supporting Role were...
Rebecca "Thompson" from Polygamy, USA
A bit flirty and playful, she loves her wine and playing card games with her sister wife Marlene.
Also from Polygamy, USA we have Kellie "Thompson". According to her faith, when asked by the Brethren who she wanted as her mate in this life and the afterlife, she told them the lucky guy was the good-looking Hyrum "Burton". After a short courtship, they were married. Oh, and she giggles, a lot...
and...
Rosemary Williams, who just never seemed to get a break. If it wasn't Paulie interrupting her night with Brady (Paulie's window was stuck...) it was Brady being "concerned" about her being overweight. It just seemed like Rosemary was forever getting the short end of the quality time with Brady stick last season...
Now this was a real close vote, with only one point separating the winner from 2nd place. Yep, looks like...
The Award for the Overall Best, Worst Performance of a Female Polygamist in a Supporting Role goes to Rosemary Williams!
The next category is...
The Overall Best, Worst Performance of a Male Polygamist in a Supporting Role.
And the 'Plyggie' goes to the late Winn Brown !
No doubt this man not only played a part in making Kody what he is today, but he obviously saw through Kody's façade early on. Isn't it ironic that the one story Kody related about Winn was when his father gave him a pair of thermal underwear instead of a Letterman's sweater he wanted. Giftwrapped in a Letterman's sweater box.
Before we tackle the last two categories, let's take a look at High Fashion: Polygamist Style!
Polygamy, USA
Michael Cawley and two of his wives showing the audience their Sunday Best...
Polygamy, USA
Marlene "Thompson" putting all us monogamist harlots on notice that not only does she have legs that go on for miles, she can rock a pair of eight inch platform heels, too.
But the polygamists with the most questionable fashion sense has got to be those Merry Wives of Kodydom...Kody, Meri, Christine, Robyn and Janelle!!!
Meri completely disregarded the Polygamist's Motto: Modest is Hottest in this unfortunate photo.
And it's apparent that although Kody "lives" out of four separate homes, not one has an iron he could use on his forever wrinkled shirts.
Off the show, Meri was photographed wearing this turquoise bandage dress with a black shrug and black leggings...
Oy vey...
Christine tends to go for the layered look. Which would be OK if you're a prepubescent teenager...
And Robyn (courtesy of her best bud from the San Francisco road trip) thinks she is a fashionista...ummmm...we don't think so.
But what exactly was Meri and Janelle thinking when they wore these fashion faux pas to the ReCommit Ceremony?
Brain bleach, anyone????
Now for our last two categories!
The candidates for The Overall Best, Worst Performance of a Female Polygamist in a Leading Role were...
Nonie Williams
She works for hubby Brady's company so she sees him more often than his other wives. When sisterwife Rhonda decided to adopt, Nonie one upped her by wanting another baby, too. The old fashion way with Brady, demanding even more of Brady's time.
Robyn Brown
and
Meri Brown
Her nonchalantly cleaning her counter top while Kody was on the phone telling her Truely was in kidney failure was "iconic".
The Award for the Overall Best, Worst Performance of a Female Polygamist in a Leading Role goes to...Meri Brown!!
While Meri elbows her way through the crowd to collect her 'Plyggie', let's take a look at the many faces of Meri...
Meri, you know you deserve this 'Plyggie' so quit your sniveling. You can go back to tweeting about VanLadyLove in a few minutes, OK???
Last but certainly not least, we have the final category...
The Overall Best, Worst Performance of a Male Polygamist in a Leading Role.
There were only two contenders:
From Polygamy, USA - Michael Cawley
His version of bedtime stories implanted the lurid vision of monogamist harlots walking the streets in his children's impressionable minds. And who could forget his "bright" idea to house his excess progeny in shipping containers placed in his backyard? Applesauce anyone?
and
The totally unforgettable (and I know you've tried)...
KODY BROWN from Sister Wives!!
And the award goes to...by a friggin' LANDSLIDE!!!
The man who appears in 99% of the scenes shown on his reality show named for his wives. The man whose ego knows no boundaries. Who thinks his jewelry designs are "iconic" and therefore deserving of the ridiculously high price he has placed on them. Who suckered not only four women to marry him, but four mortgage companies to finance his 'McMansions in a Gated Cul-de-Sac Dream' located in Las Vegas, his Plymouth Rock of the West! Yep, we are talkin'...
KODY BROWN !!
Get your middle-aged flabby buns on down here!
As Kody slowly makes his way through the crowd, carrying son Sol with one arm while shoving away his adoring fans with the other...
Let's take a look at Kody showing us what he does best!
Nothing can follow that Brown mess!
And that concludes the 'Plyggie Awards' for 2014 !!! Many thanks to everyone taking the time to vote!!!
