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| Robyn no longer feeling that old sister wive's love... |
The first episode of the new season of Sister Wives ended with Robyn lamenting how tired she was from working on MSWC so hard. Yes, she actually said that.
Meri announced she was going back to college. And even though she tried to explain to Robyn she could still help out with MSWC, Robyn wasn't hearing anything she was saying. You have to put yourself into Robyn's size 10 shoes to understand where she's coming from, right?
Meri was Robyn's only employee. And now she's leaving to go to college. Who is Robyn going to rule over now?
Well, the answer to that question lies somewhere in episode 2, Polygamist in a Shark Tank.
At the beginning episode 2, we find out that the Browns have only 20 days to prepare a presentation before a group of investors Kody and Robyn feel they need in order to fund expansion of MSWC.
For a typical entrepreneur, 20 days should be more than enough time to prepare a presentation, especially since MSWC has been doing business for two years now.
Unfortunately, the Browns couldn't come up with a credible presentation if they had TWENTY YEARS!
These people are that...dumb.
Episode 2 was just so jam packed with outrageous Kody and his Kodettes© ridiculousness (if there is such a word) I wanted to just love-tap each one of them upside the head while screaming REALLY at the top of my lungs.
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| Kody doesn't feel like he's head of his family |
Many moons ago, when Kody pooh-poohed Janelle's semi-business plan for her gym called Fundamental Fitness, while simultaneously greenlighting Robyn's semi-literate plan for starting an online jewelry store, it was painfully apparent which wife was sitting in the catbird's seat. There might be some truth when Kody cried to his family therapist that he has never made a single decision on his own.
Yeah, I do remember it was Kody (with Robyn's consent) who chose Robyn's wedding dress. Oh, and it was Kody and Robyn who decided when the time was right to head out on the highway to Vegas so many years ago. And don't forget, it was the Kody and Robyn show that taught the teens the price of losing one's virtue to a scalawag (even though said scalawag tried to make her an honest woman by marrying her) was a heart locket thrown on the McMansion carpet. And how Kody mended her heart so she could love again, so to speak.
My Sisterwife's Closet has been online for three years now, but the merchandise is overpriced. Kody and Robyn already knew this: When confronted by tweets when MSWC initially went on line, Kody boldly intoned the high prices were justified because the jewelry was "iconic".
Well, it may be iconic, but it ain't selling. And that's a problem, dude.
A big-ass problem. And it was not a surprise when Robyn decided to hand over the reins of CEO of MSWC to her lord and master, Kody.
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| Robyn's infamous MSWC notebook |
Let's get real here...MSWC has always had Kody's inept fingerprints all over it. So who were the producers trying to fool here? Kody set the prices. Kody designed the clunky jewelry pieces exclusively for each wife. Robyn STILL has that same notebook she's carried around for the last 3 years...and she's not even a quarter of the way through it. So MSWC design ideas were not flowing from her, obviously.
So Kody decides to take the Kody solution to any problem...just throw money at it until the problem goes away. Unfortunately for MSWC, which apparently is financially embarrassed, this means having to touch base with outside investors.
So let's just cut to the proverbial chase. After wasting almost 20 days of prep time doing heaven knows what, Kody and his Kodettes© made a truly half-ass attempt at preparing their presentations for the MSWC venture capital meeting for their "business mentor" Scott.
It was bad. Really bad. I was surprised that Scott was able to keep a straight face through it all. But he declared them ready...and even told Robyn it was OK to cry during her presentation because it showed her "passion" about her business.
Dude, this ain't Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmare. But they need some of Ramsay's help, for sure.
And the night before the big presentation, Robyn was crying. She had writer's block. She was too tired to rehearse with Christine. Or as she put it "I feel so human...so weak...How can I say in two minutes what this business means to me?"
And that's when I realized this was all FAKE! This was all FAKE for the show. Whoever is "running" MSWC can't be Robyn. She's been "running" this business but can't articulate what the business means to her, let alone the financials (because Janelle let it be known SHE prepared the financial reports when Kody mistakenly called Robyn CFO). FAKE I tell you!!!!
The venture capitalists look like they were hired from Las Vegas central casting.
Stephanie looked like she was a former showgirl who, unfortunately, didn't get the email to dress in proper business attire.
Jacob looked like a cross between a lounge singer, magician and Elvis impersonator. The only thing missing was a pink Cadillac.
My theory is that, if there WERE real venture capitalists, they would be too embarrassed to be shown on Sister Wives, which would be understandable. After all, why risk your credibility by being seen on a show about polygamists, know what I mean?
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| Jerrod showing Kody it takes a good-looking man to go bald |
Anyway, the Brown's friends Stan and Amy (with their business associate Jerrod) looked like they wanted to be anyplace but there.
As for the "actual" presentations, Christine mentioned something about demographics, working women, website hits between 2 million and 15 million each month but with only 500 sales. Kody brought up how the jewelry was fashion forward and that the business started in their garage. Robyn wanted to convert their 15 million hits into sales and that their fans see them as four strong women. Meri spoke about customer service ( however, she didn't mention how the website continually crashes on show nights). Janelle spoke about sales projections but really didn't give any firm numbers outside of saying "look in your packet" for the details.
And then Kody asked for $2.5 million, so that they could expand their product offerings. Oh yeah, the investors would get 20% of MSWC. That means Kody thinks MSWC is worth over $10 million dollars. IS HE CRAZY???
VC Stephanie asked the best question, bringing up the point that there's a big gap between 15 million web hits that only resulted in 500 sales.
Of which the standard Kody Brown answer was basically let us throw
your money at that problem and we "guarantee"
your money will grow.
Right...
Needless to say, Kody's disconnect with reality continued when the producers juxtaposed Kody saying such things as "yeah, our presentation hit the ball out of the ballpark" with the reality of Stan saying "yeah, my partners weren't impressed and would have left the meeting if I hadn't asked them to stay."
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| Stan looking forward to owning MSWC some day soon |
But this is all a moot point because last Sunday's episode 3, 'The Big Decision', we found out that the "investors" approved $250K-$500K so the Browns can prove their "theory" they need to add more items to their website to generate sales.
Remember I mentioned Gordon Ramsay earlier? One of the things he always looked at was a failing restaurant's menu. Too many items on the menu usually meant the owner had no clue of their branding - who their main customer was - what their focus should be. It would also lead to more expense and waste having to purchase food just in case someone ordered it. So, he worked with restaurant owners to find their "niche" in the marketplace, capitalize on it, and get rid of the items that don't fit in or sell.
It's obvious the Browns have no idea who their main customer is, or what they want to buy. They think by throwing money at their problem, they will make money.
They need a Gordon Ramsay to tell them what clueless donkeys they are before the investors take over MSWC.
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