Sunday, March 29, 2015

I Scour the Internet: The Pre April Fool's Day Edition for March 30, 2015




What a Wild Month March has been.

First, we get the new and improved Sister Wives Season Finale on March 1. Well, kind of new and improved, being that we still have the Original Three plus Kody but now the new legal Mrs will be Robyn. Of course TLC will be leaving THAT happy event for the next season.





Then, perhaps in response to all the negativity associated with Robyn taking over Meri's legal wife status, Robyn went full tilt cray cray on Twitter. It was not a pretty sight, particularly those two selfies she just HAD to send to prove that no one had hacked her twitter account.

Poor deluded child.

Finally, since Robyn could no longer use the excuse that it was some "hacker" who was tweeting all that crap on twitter, she had to come clean as to why she made such a fool of herself so willingly.

And if you believe the malarkey she was dishing out, I definitely got some land I'd like to sell ya!

So here we are, at the end of March. What else have the Browns been up to since the season finale of Sister Wives and Robyn's really hilarious meltdown?





Well, not much really.

Robyn took some needed R and R time away from Twitter...you know she just works SO HARD at whatever it is she works hard at, and people just DON'T appreciate her. At All.

So how clever of the new Mrs. Kody Brown to break her twitter silence of almost twenty days with this innocuous tweet...
How typical of Robyn to tweet how sweet this article was....being that it was a photo essay that featured Robyn front and center in over three quarters of the photographs!


What has the new Mr. Robyn Brown been up to since the announcement of his divorce and marriage to Robyn (oh and don't forget the new Mrs's very public twitter meltdown) became public, insuring at least another season of Sister Wives?

Kody does a LOT of retweeting. He does it so much that this gem was almost lost in the clutter...

Yep, family unity certainly does rock, especially when the patriarch is obviously too busy elsewhere (if you know what I mean) to really give a darn what his other wives are doing. Yeah, let those other poor wives take care of each other while he takes care of the one wife who consumes most of his time.

Polygamy is grand, ain't it?

At least Kody did take the time to acknowledge daughter Aspyn's Pi day birthday with a selfie...oh yeah, how nice of him to include Aspyn...

Meri tweeted a birthday greeting to bonus kid Aspyn...

But immediately followed up with a tweet featuring a picture of King Sol. Is it me or does it seem that Meri not only gave up her legal wife status to Robyn but also signed an agreement to feature one picture of King Sol for every mention of a bonus kid tweeted to her followers. Just saying...

Of course Christine did take time out of her day to tweet a happy day to her offspring...
Seems so business like, doesn't it?

Well, since we are on the topic of the elder Brown children, I bet you are wondering what Maddie's been up to, right?

One thing for sure, she is busting out from underneath her family - particularly her father's Fundamental Mormon thumb.

The first inkling's of Maddie's emancipation were these two tweets...

Hmmmm....Okay. I think I'm getting a definite Klingon moment here. You know, that old quote about revenge being a dish best served cold. Mistress Maddie is definitely showing her cold side, that is for sure!
I wonder who she's talking about? Could it be? Nah....can't be the new Mrs. Kody Brown...old boyfriend maybe???

And then the next photo tweets...I wonder what Kody thinks???






And Kody tweeted.....[insert sound of crickets]

Robyn called....[insert sound of being sent immediately to Maddie's voice mail, then crickets]

Leave it to Janelle to show the Brown Family stiff upper lip....


And a few hours later, these tweets from the Maddie and her date...Do you think Kody or Robyn made Maddie and her date  tweet this? I wonder why her date thought it was "weird"???


Leave it to Maddie to make Brown History. No doubt Robyn is writing all this down so that her daughters won't follow in Maddie's footsteps.

  1.  No converting to LDS
  2.  No going to college out of state
  3.  No pledging a sorority
  4.  No unsupervised contact with Maddie, EVER AGAIN

Before Maddie's Formal Dance at college, Daddy Dearest Kody took time out of his schedule to celebrate his anniversary with Christine out of state, near a large body of water. Rumor has it the location was Galveston TX. I wonder if it was the new Mrs. Kody Brown who took the picture...

Best friend? The man you bore six children for is just your Best Friend???? REALLY???? Isn't he your husband for now and eternity? That's more than just being a "best friend" don't you think?

Something is rotten in the cul-de-sac...

Until next time, remember...I Scour the Internet, so YOU don't have to!

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Wednesday, March 18, 2015

The Biggest Mistake She Ever Made In Her Life


Just file this under the tab Do as I say kids, not as I do...

Hazel from my other living room found this transcript of the brand new Mrs. Kody Brown in her inbox: It's Robyn's now (in)famous Purity Speech from Season 6 Episode 6: Robyn's Secret...

All we need now are a couple of Victoria's Secret commercials. (She has such long legs, ya know...)

Enjoy!


Somebody should wake Paedon up...


I am actually going to speak to the kids about the biggest mistake in my life and I am actually pretty nervous about it. So I'm gonna tell you t this two stories about two girls who had what they did with their purity and what happened.








And these are true stories.








When I was a teenager, I was very chaste. I was actually what a lot of people would consider to be a good girl. And then as  I got older, and into my senior year and into college, I really started to question my faith. I don't know I think I hit that point when a teenager questions [Kody: everything] uhum....

You have this purity, and this purity has to do with your body and this purity has to do with your mind and this purity has to do with your heart, and it it is very very very precious it is priced above all jewels.

Old habits die hard with Robyn apparently...
Well yeah and it's like I remember at that time in my life I was sitting there going oh gosh I sit here, and you know I've got a cute guy I'm da-in' and I don't kiss him and I don't you know I am not doing anything with him physically and I have my body has these urges and and he is you know I know this would be something that would be part of our relationship would be fun.

I felt like I was missing out on something by not you know indulging in the physical aspects of a relationship with a boy. And I started questioning my faith and whether or not I really believed in it. Because you know I saw my parents struggle you know with plural marriage and I was questioning them as people you know the parents aren't always right they're not God anymore you know and you start breaking away and figuring out what you believe on your own. I think I was kind of a little bit angry because I had been so good for so long and it just didn't seem to be getting me anywhere haha.

Instead of She-ra, Robyn should've channeled Beyoncé...
She took her purity..... and she gave it to someone who begged for it. And I spent the next nine years trying to make it right.

And I put everything, everything I could into that relationship and into that marriage. Everything.

At church today actually I'm gonna be talking to the kids about the biggest mistake I ever made in my life.

So I'm gonna tell you t this two stories about two girls who had what they did with their purity and what happened.  And these are true stories. Every single one of you has this really great gift and it's called your purity. And it's yours to give away to someone else.

When you have your purity, and you give it to your husband and your wife when you're married
then you have a lot of happiness and a lot of blessings.

I wonder if that outfit is from VS lumberjack collection...





So I was nineteen when this when I decided to to move and I packed up my little car and I moved to Montana. My parents weren't there, my foundation wasn't there, I wasn't going to church, I was questioning everything about what I had believed in in the past and and I was still in this this stupid place in my head where I wasn't letting God in I was gonna I kinda I have to say I was rebellious.










One girl she took her purity and she gave it to someone who begged for it. And he begged for and begged for so she gave it away.






She gave away her purity. And he didn't respect it. He threw it on the ground. He broke it. Because I was just in a weird spot I  started da-in' this kid and and I actually made a mistake and I changed my standards. Uhm, this kid that I started da-in'uhm was my first  kiss. And there was only one thing that he wanted aha and uhm ahhh so I got pregnant.



And she spent her whole life trying to get it back but she you only have one. And he broke her heart. And she spent her whole life  being sad about it.

And then when she finally found the guy that she was supposed to be with she had to go to him and say look I gave away my purity to someone else he kinda stole it from me. And this was supposed to be yours. But I gave it to someone else and I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry I gave it away to someone else... And it broke her heart.


Robyn and Kody being very chaste before their marriage

In our religion we believe in being chaste before marriage.

It's very impor-ant you know Kody and I were very chaste before we were married uhm it's no different if you are like it a first wife with a husband uhm you should be chasted that is a belief of ours.




You know telling this story in church is very impor-ant to me because it is a tenant of our faith, to be chasted. And it is a tenant of our faith to repent if you make a mistake.

The mistakes that I made were very challenging for me, and very very painful for me and actually
led me down a path of nine years of a lotta hell.

This is yours and this is the most ultimate gift and it is yours. You know, when I found out I was pregnant I was devastated at that point I was I was really scared. I was trying so hard so hard.. to love my husband at the time.

You know, when I found out I was pregnant I was devastated at that point I was I was really scared. I was scared of...a of my family, of  rejecting me I was scared of what my church was gonna say and it was very impor-ant to me to to take responsibility for my actions because I had made this mistake and so when he asked me to marry him I said yes. I was trying soo hard so hard to love my husband at that time.

My little Day-on was the best thing that coulda ever happen to me. It was, I'll never regret him. Day-on was my happy place.  And he meant so much to me. And I have a special bond with him because he was my sweetheart during these times that was so hard. I wouldn't wish those experiences on anyone and I don't want our kids to go through that.

I made this promise to God, years ago that if I could ever tell my story as much as it makes me vulnerable and exposes myself I would always tell my story to help other kids make right choices.

Robyn's purity was magically rejuvenated by Kody's love!
I have a second story of another girl. Another girl who took care of her purity. She knew how valuable it was. And so when she found the right man she was able to hand him her purity and say this is yours and this is the most ultimate gift and it is yours...

I believe that Kody and I were supposed to be together from day one...and because of my mistakes I spent years and years and years trying to make it right and actually not with the person I was supposed to be with.

I ask each one of you to decide today choose today no matter what is going on in your life to save your purity and protect that purity and honor it. Because it will bring you a lot of joy and a lot of
happiness.



Beyoncé picture from Billboard.com, the others from TLC
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Thursday, March 12, 2015

Review: Sister Wives Season Finale: S08Ep07 Divorce


This was not an easy episode to watch.

Even though I knew the outcome, and a little bit of the reasoning why, I was still shell-shocked by the end of the episode.

If I, a relatively seasoned snarker older than black pepper can be moved, can you imagine what Meri must have been thinking and feeling?

No wonder she tweeted about having dizzy spells.



This divorce may have been ratings gold, but it had to rank at the bottom of all time worse ideas for a story arc in a reality show on polygamy.

This is not the face of a woman who willingly gave up her legal marriage for another woman's children who are less than 5 years away from being legal adults.




What could have prompted such a drastic action to a problem many monogamist families face each day...the adoption of a spouse's children from a previous marriage?

There had to be alternatives. This is the 21st century, in the most powerful nation in the world. Are you telling me this was the ONLY solution to their problem? For Meri willingly to give up her only leverage in a family consisting of three other wives, vying for the attention of a narcissistic joke masquerading as a father to 13 children he sired with 3 different women but barely has time to spend with them (I've excluded King Sol)? A solution we find out may not even work if the ex-husband refuses to give up his parental rights? Or if the request is thrown out of court?

What the heck is going on here?

Well, let's take a look back a season ago. After the letdown of the commitment ceremony, TLC was hard pressed to improve the ratings of Sister Wives, a show whose ratings had gone straight into the toilet...

I imagine Kody and Krew were called into an executive's office to discuss the future of the show. I even imagine he was given three different choices.

Choice One: Kody starts courting a "fifth" wife. Maybe even marry her. Or better yet, court her, and get left at the altar when the bride suddenly gets "cold feet."

Choice Two: Wife #4  finally gets pregnant. The Original Three Wives could be shown going through their own emotional turmoil knowing that Robyn and Kody are still doing the wild thang together, resulting in yet another mouth to feed.

Choice Three: Meri "approaches" Kody and in the ultimate display of marital sacrifice and love (straight out of the Big Love playbook) she gives up her legal status by divorcing Kody, allowing him to marry the lithesome Robyn "for the sake of her children."

Now, we know Choice One would be vetoed by Robyn. She is too determined to be the final wife of Kody. She is also batshit crazy, and Kody knows it, and doesn't want to wake up one morning minus a body part or two.


Choice Two was most likely the winner, but, alas, mother nature was not kind to the now middle aged Robyn. When she didn't get pregnant on cue last year, TLC was put into a bad position. That season's finale showed her running for a phone call. A classic cliff-hanger.

The cloying smirk on her face at the end of the episode did not endear her to audiences.



The last segment of last season's Tell All was supposed to be about Kody and Robyn and their baby plans, but Christine royally screwed that up by suddenly walking off the set. By the time the Tell All filming resumed, Robyn had already informed Tamron Hall there was to be no mention of her plans for another baby with Kody. The displeasure on Robyn's face was extremely noticeable as the credits rolled.

Robyn was not amused.

That left only Choice Three, and TLC ran with it no doubt with Kody's blessings. I believe Kody persuaded Meri to file for divorce to save the show. The audience would be told it was to change Robyn's kids names to Brown so they would finally be accepted and Meri would get the Martyr edit. But, after the Sister Wives ratings plummeted   into no man's land the first half of this  season, even more drastic steps had to be undertaken, quickly.

Most likely, a decision was made to "leak" the divorce to the public on social media. On 1/21/15, seventeen days after the lack-luster mid-season premiere, a solitary question popped up on Bonnie Fuller's gossip site. Ten days later, on 1/31/15 all hell broke loose when someone brought to the attention of their fellow members on a Facebook group that Meri and Kody had divorced in September and a reporter just happened to be present in the group and was able to put it out on the internet.

With the divorce now made public, viewers tuned in record numbers and the ratings for the last two shows of the season soared to new heights. TLC proudly announced Sister Wives would return for another season. Well, of course the show will return. That was the point of Choice Three - get people to start watching again.

So, even though this "situation" was a retread from Big Love, it still worked as planned.

Photo HBO




Now, the problem I have with Choice Three is simple. 

Nikki Grant's character on Big Love was  one the audience "Loved to Hate."







Robyn, on the other hand, is a reality show "personality" that the majority of  the audience simply does not like. She even acknowledged on Twitter recently that she has a lot of "haters", which she can't understand.

Apparently, Robyn watches Sister Wives while wearing heavy duty blinders. And it certainly doesn't help her cause when,  if the Tweet offends her (i.e., is not complimentary to her), she will "block" it from her sight. If anything, her ignorance of the world we monogamists live in is laughable. She needs to wake up and smell the coffee (or postum) percolating.

So how, exactly, did Meri's sister wives and soon to be ex-husband react to her decision? Here's my take how it all went down...





Meri conveniently told Robyn and Kody  together first.










Kody kept the same befuddled look he's become famous for, I call it the "Duh???" sneer...






Robyn, on the other hand, must have taken some acting lessons. Notice how she deftly manages a wide range of emotion on her face...no doubt prompted by a producer's cue here and there....





Robyn: (thinking) What? Does this mean what I think it means?



Producer: (off camera) Robyn can you start crying please? We want some tears....




Robyn: (making little grunt sounds as she tries to squeeze out a tear) Oooh....


Robyn: (looks over at Kody: Are the tears in my eyes yet?)

Kody: (gives her his duh look and signals: Try harder Robyn, your eyes are still dry!)



Robyn: (turns back to Meri thinking this is as good as it gets with the tears, sorry!)






 Robyn: (thinking, boy my lips are dry, wish I brought my chapstick)




Robyn: (oh hell, I'll just lick them)


 Robyn: (Wait for it, wait for it....yes! Here comes the tear!)


Producer: Robyn, run and hug Meri now...Kody just sit there and look useless.




Producer: EXCELLENT! The audience will love this!!!









Christine and Janelle were next to be told the news.






Christine: (thinking) Say whut??




Christine: (thinking) Does this mean, finally, Kody will legally marry me next?




Christine: (thinking) Oh yes, pretty please? We can all honeymoon at Disneyland!
Christine: (thinking) WHAT???

NO NO NO THIS CAN'T BE!

I'M THE MERI! ROBYN'S THE RHODA!

Producer: Hey Christine, can you run over and hug Meri?




Christine: (whispering to Meri) What have you done? If anything happens to Kody, that sow will leave us out in the cold! This is terrible!!!!

I'll never see Disneyland again!









While Christine was busy emoting, Janelle had this strange look on her face.

In fact, this look remained on her face throughout Meri's announcement.


Janelle: (thinking) You've got to be friggin' kidding me...

Robyn: (thinking) Janelle ain't buyin' it...Damn! Better try to cry now...




Janelle: (thinking) Great way to let that fox into the henhouse Meri. What a friggin' mess...



Janelle: (thinking) Oh Lord, what has Meri done to us???



Janelle: (thinking to herself) You may have won this battle, Robyn, but you HAVE NOT WON THE WAR!!!

And with that, Janelle quickly exited the scene.


She did not pass go. She did not collect $200, and she certainly didn't say a word to Meri or Robyn.

She simply walked out...






A day later, Janelle met with Kody to express her feelings. Kody put on his best "Duh" look while she expressed her concern that this divorce and marriage will "change the dynamic" of their family.






Janelle was particularly impressive when she told Kody (despite his frequent interruptions)  how she was " ...  worried that somehow this will mean that you somehow start favoring Robyn ..."





Of course Kody tried to deflect her concern by asking Janelle if she was worried that he and Robyn would "...ride off  [together] into the sunset..." Yep, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that possibility looming on the horizon. And his weak assurance to her that nothing will change did not help to assuage her ill-feelings about this divorce's effects on the Original Three.



Good for Janelle to finally be the tiny voice of reason in this mostly irrational situation. Because in Robyn's talking head, she did vocalize what most likely was lurking in the back of the Original Three sisterwives' minds - "...I've seen plural families where [a] husband dies and a first wife or the legal wife has responsible for his estate. And I've seen some women abuse that."  YIKES!!!

This coming from the mind of a woman who thinks blocking people on Twitter is a sport. Who preached to her bonus children about Purity and how she gave it up because "...He begged for it." This is the woman who loved to throw it into the Original Three faces (as well as the faces of her bonus children ) that "A baby is a physical manifestation that there is an intimate relationship between a husband and wife."




Look at her hair! She has morphed herself into being a blonde, just like the Original Three!

She has used the last five years to set herself up to be the perfect plural wife, looking down her nose at monogamist women as if they were "boils on the butt of humanity", when in fact, this was her first time at the polygamist rodeo.




Be afraid, Meri, Christine and Janelle. Be very afraid.*

When Meri, and Kody (with  Robyn tagging along as a "witness") convened at the attorney's office to sign the divorce papers, after almost 25 years of being legally married to Meri how did Kody show his appreciation to an obviously distraught Meri?





He kissed her on the head and said "Thanks."








The audience is not stupid. They can see what's going on: The façade the Brown's have haphazardly built to hide behind is slowly but surely being chipped away.

So even though there was probably a hundred different solutions that could have been played before divorce, the Kody Krew opted for the one that they thought would show the world just how unfair laws and courts are towards polygamists.

Unfortunately for Kody, this divorce just proved exactly WHY those laws are in place. To protect the innocent, in this case three teenage children, from being wrenched away from a parent without due process of law, in order to improve the ratings on a ridiculous reality show.

And as the credits rolled, Robyn reminded the audience that there are still two more obstacles to overcome: Her ex-husband giving up his parental rights, and a court judge approving Kody's request to adopt Robyn's children.

To be continued next season...



* (I wish to thank Steel Magnolias, Mommy Dearest and The Fly for the quote inspirations and TLC for the pics)









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Friday, March 6, 2015

UPDATED Less SHOCKING But Typical: Robyn Offers Her Reason Behind Twitter Tirade







Will we ever see the REAL Robyn Sullivan Brown?

Frankly speaking, as my mother would say, Robyn pretty much showed the Sister Wives audience (and her unblocked followers) her...um...derriere earlier this week with her Twitter meltdown.

After a few hours of reflection, no doubt mandated by a TLC PR representative, Robyn managed to tweet a few --- wait, a LOT of comments to explain her behavior.

Girlfriend, if you hadn't tweeted those two selfies, you could have gone the "My Twitter Account was HACKED" route. But, hindsight IS 20/20 as the saying goes.

And let's face it, those tweets had Robyn Sullivan Brown written all over them.

So here's her explanation. You can be the judge if this was Robyn just keepin' it real...






















Well, that's that. Do you think you've seen the "heart of our family" as Robyn says, or just the derriere of a manipulative woman trying to improve her much maligned public image?

You know, my question to her would be Why did you change your twitter picture from the picture of you hugging Kody to one without Kody? Was this to be consistent with your other three Sister Wives?

But alas, Robyn Sullivan Brown blocked me*, even though I never, ever sent her a tweet. No hate or cruelty was ever spewed from my Twitter  towards her. So here I am, without an outlet to ask her this burning question on my mind. Does this mean the lady is a bit shady in her reasoning?

What are your thoughts??


* That's right, I simply can not let this go. And yes, I have other options but it's the PRINCIPLE that irks me the most. /RantOff


3/8/15 THIS JUST IN...

Hidden in another mass of tweets, the new Mrs. Kody Brown has attempted to explain why polygamy is the better "alternative" to monogamy.

I think it's time somebody takes a vacation from Tweeter before alienating another segment of society...







Many thanks to reader runKodyrun!
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